How I Got Over The Loss of A Loved One When I Thought I Couldn’t

You’ve tried everything. But you don’t know how to cope with it.

You yearn for happiness.

You hunger for inner peace.

You wish you could change something.

In fact, you’d do anything in the world to bring them back.

Deep down you know it’s true.

And…

We’ve all been there or we all know someone who has.

Needless to say, one of the hardest things we all face, if we haven’t already, is the loss of someone we love.

You weep. You cry. You can’t sleep. You distance ourselves from others. You fight it. You struggle to deal with the pain inside our hearts. And you make yourself obligated to move on fast. You got told to resist the urge to think about them because it’s not healthy when they are gone. You search for answers and try to find ways to stay happy but nothing works.

Astonishing isn’t it?

No. It’s too hard sometimes. Not everyone makes it through and that’s okay…

It really is.

How can you learn how to cope with this heart-shattering experience without paying someone? How can you be expected to cope with something that dents your heart for eternity? Can you ever be happy in the days after? Oh, how is it possible for heaven’s sake?

What’s the magic formula?

Let me share a short part of my life that has stretched itself beyond my predictability…

When I lost my aunt, my mom’s closest sister, I was very young. She had her first son a few weeks before she left earth. I wasn’t as close to her as my family was.

Neither did her son, unfortunately…

….But

I saw how hurt my family was when we’d visit the cemetery every Sunday after church. I saw how much my mother bawled with every visit. It seemed everything under the sun was having a decent day, everyone except my family. Many days there was tears and shoulders with heads leaning on them.

Oh, so many.

We visited that cemetery for months.

We began to spend that time camping with our families. They’d sit around a fire and play her favorite song. They would do the crazy things she did to make herself happy. They focused on the positive memories they shared together. They’d sing for her and show her appreciation.

How?

By praying for her. By remembering the great things they did together. Telling stories about her. And pretending like she decided to talk up a stairway to heaven and rest with her heavenly father. My family found this easy to do after some time.

So what would happen today?

No, I’m not saying they don’t cry anymore or frown when they think of her.

The bottom line is…

They miss her. They love her too. And they are grateful she was around. Now, more than ever, they give her the appreciation she always deserved by persevering. By staying happy and never quitting on the moment. But winning the hour.

So what I experienced was how many good springs from shifting our minds from “I lost a loved one” to “I can never take them for granted, only appreciate them.”

The change in perspective.

The clarity from talking about how you feel with your trusted ones.

The benefit of being expressible with your emotions.

The joy and happiness that is born from our appreciative acts.

Now, I’m not the brightest light bulb in the hallway (the light is on, it’s flickering) but grief and despair are therapeutic to the “recovery” of a lost loved one.

This is what worked for my family. It could do the same for you. Maybe. Maybe not.

My hopes are that you find something to be happy about while you think of them. That you remember how happy they were because you existed. And not to pretend they still live….

But….

Live your life, day by day, as if their happiness depended upon yours.

Warm regards,

Christian Sotero