Day 1

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Woke at 2:14 PM. Listened to recordings of thunderstorms. Watched/Played: The Walking Dead, Frasier.

Texted with Jie briefly throughout the day. Sent me photos of her and her brother making funny faces. Odd, but gave me a good laugh. She seems to be contacting me less frequently. Maybe she thinks she’s bothering me. Too attached to a stranger. Or maybe she’s just tiring of me. We’ll see.

Allergies were terrible today. Anxiety also up. Can’t stop thinking about death and aging. Apologized last night for standing up my friends Liz and Maria at the club. I just couldn’t be around anyone. Worked on formatting the new books. Huge pain in the ass. Not helping my stress level. So, of course, I had some rye whiskey. Can’t wait for my upcoming vacation and time in the woods.

I watched an episode of Frasier and saw a redheaded woman that had such a disturbing resemblance to Iris that I choked on my food. The last time we had contact (9/16/16), she had sent me an email that just said “I got this song stuck in my head” with a link to the La La Land trailer. I wrote back and said that I would have loved to have seen the film with her. But she’s in Spain. Probably won’t return until July. If she returns at all.This was her way of trying to reach out and get my attention. She knows I’m drifting. I miss her so much. But I know we don’t belong together. Anxiety level: 8.

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