Manipulation: Cute on kids. On adults? Not so much.
Some never grow out of this childhood habit.
Most parents would agree that our kids, from as early as a couple of months old, know how to manipulate. Those crocodile tears have won me over many times, and most recently, the doubled over in pain stomach ache fake that got him out of going to school. That was an academy award winning performance. Standing ovation for that one. I’m sure you too have learnt to smile behind their backs, shake your heads and remember we were kids once too.
When I’ve wanted my son to get ready quickly I’ve thrown out the challenge, ‘I don’t think you can do it in less than three minutes. There’s no way you can.’ And he will go, with great gusto and try and beat the record. Why? Because he’s going to prove to himself that he can do it, prove me wrong (how cool is it when you can prove your parents wrong on anything!), and he is guaranteed praise from me. We’re all winners. No harm done.
But that’s working on the mind of a five year-old, not that of an adult. When consciously manipulating an adult, you are assuming that they have the mind of a five year-old and are not smart enough to pick up on the manipulation. In the past, when I’ve realised someone has tried to manipulate me, or has succeeded without me knowing, I’ve felt like I have been out-and-out lied to. I’ve felt like an absolute fool. I’ve felt completely duped and, quite frankly, pretty pissed off.
You see, compared to most people, I was not consciously aware of the whole concept of adult manipulation until much later. I know I did it as a kid, in fact I remember throwing my Mum the silent treatment for hours to get a meat pie once; I just assumed we all grew out of it. But I grew up with rose-colored glasses planted firmly on the bridge of my nose, and I still wear them today. I have this unfailing belief that people are honest and good, most of the time. Naïve? You would think so, but I want to believe the best in people.
Now I’m not talking about lying, that’s a topic for a whole other blog, I’m talking about conscious manipulation. Where someone makes the decision to basically say one thing to get a person to do something for his or her own personal gain, or just to get attention. One could argue it is a form of dishonestly, I suppose.
As a result of my experience with this, I could have become jaded and closed-off; untrusting if you will. But I’m not one to change to suit others; I still believe that people are inherently good and will continue to do so.
So I have since developed a radar for the not so genuine, and when I know someone is attempting to play me, my skin literally begins to crawl. My antenna goes ‘Bing!’ Thankfully, this happens very rarely.
I believe that people who consciously manipulate do not have the confidence to simply ask for what they need or want, and/or are control freaks who get a kick out of playing people. Either way, that’s pretty sad. That’s not a genuine way to live and they’re probably racking up a whole lot of bad Juju that will come back on them sooner rather than later.
So rather than change who I am, an optimistic idealist, or feel angry when I am played, I’ll feel compassion toward those unfortunate five year-old like manipulators and simply turn, shake my head and smile.
