The Reason You Cannot Love Yourself
I attended an Ayahuasca ceremony in 2015 with the sole intention to hear whatever Mother Ayahuasca had to share with me.
The previous year was the roughest of my life and although I found my footing near the end, it was clear I had much to learn and much to heal from.
The brew tasted “digital,” as if I had coated my tongue, mouth and throat in gigabytes. I was also given an Amazonian tobacco known as rapé which was administered by the shaman blowing the powder into my nose.
About an hour into the experience, I remembered a photograph from my childhood but it was coming to life. It was me as a baby with my father at my great-grandmother’s house. In watching how my father looked at me, it became clear that this baby was inherently love. There was nothing I could do in order to get the love, and there was nothing I could do to lose the love.
I then realized that this wasn’t only true for the baby me. It was true for me. I didn’t have to do anything in order to receive love from others. In fact, I could do all sorts of stuff and still not receive love. I could also do the same stuff and receive love. It didn’t matter.
The point is that the reason I’m loved (or not loved) is not because of anything I do, and it’s the same for everyone.
