McD’s

Jason and I sit in Coulton’s Corolla while he pumps it with gas. It’s sometime around brunch.

Before Coulton killed the ignition, the radio was playing a song, the chorus — “Act Right, Act Right…” — of which we interpolated into “Egg Whites, Egg Whites…”.

“Egg Whites are in now,” Jason says. “Even McDonald’s is about Egg Whites. You can get an egg white McMuffin. I’m like, ‘McD’s: I don’t want to eat healthy if I’m going to you. I want to eat unhealthy. Don’t mess with a good thing, McD’s.’” I add, conclusively, “Totally.”

“You know what is just, crazy to me?” Jason starts, “That I can order up twenty patties — like ten McDoubles — and get it delivered to me in record time. How many animals had to die for me to even get that much meat?” “Probably a horrifying number.” “Yeah, like, that patty doesn’t even come from one animal. They just mix it all together.” “Oh, absolutely. It is shocking to me, that whole process. It’s, like, nightmarish. But you know what it is the crazy part?” I ask. “That even now, while we’re talking about how shocking this whole deal is, there’s something appetizing about this conversation.” Jason agrees, “Oh yeah. Let’s get some burgers now, actually.”