Lisa Ling: ‘[Sex] is still an education for me’
What polyamory, swingers and kink taught this CNN host
By Alexandra E. Petri • Lettering by Jillian Blazek for The Lily
Throughout her career, journalist Lisa Ling says that people often suggested she explore the subcultures of sex like polyamory, swingers and kink.
“I would think to myself, ‘I don’t want to do that. I don’t want to be pigeonholed into covering these topics. And what will people think of me?’” the 44-year-old says.
Now, in the fourth season of her CNN docuseries, “This is Life With Lisa Ling,” she’s learned that covering sex and sexuality doesn’t have to be salacious. Ling recently produced a three-part digital series called, “This is Sex,” which gave audiences a taste of her TV series before it premiered on Oct. 1.
For Ling, delving into the many facets of sex in the United States also means examining it in her own personal life.
We spent some time on the phone with Ling, chatting about sex, sexuality and how being Chinese American plays a role in how she grapples with these subjects.
“As a result of ‘This is Sex,’ I have talked about it amongst friends and family more than I ever had. I even talked about it with my mom. We never talked about it growing up. I remember my mom even asking me when I was in my 30s about French kissing and how to do it properly. [I don’t think she’s ever] been in a relationship where she felt comfortable and allowed herself to enjoy sex.”
“It surprises people to learn that the incidences of [sexually transmitted diseases] are far lower in the porn industry than they are in the general population, because [adult film stars] are educated about it. They know what to look for. I met a woman who works in a brothel who told me she doesn’t even have sex with people outside of work because she is so afraid of the different STDs that exist in the mainstream population.”
“I have always been conscious of [appearance] in my work, and I think people scrutinize women on TV far more than they do men. I didn’t want it to ever become an issue. When you watch me on TV, I wear the same shades of grey and brown and khaki. I look pretty much the same in every episode, and it has been a conscious decision. I don’t think [women] should feel the need to have to feel so inhibited all the time. At the same [time], I won’t go and flaunt myself.”
“I would definitely teach my younger self about [the] consequences of risky behavior. I would teach myself about chlamydia and herpes, and show myself what it looks like because I think it’s really important to do. For ‘This Is Sex,’ I sat through a sex education class in high school, and they were talking about things like cunnilingus. I was the one giggling, and they didn’t think anything of it. It was normalized, and that’s the way we need to be.”
“I am in a monogamous relationship with my husband, but I completely understand how and why people would be interested in exploring things like polyamory. Do I believe humans are intrinsically monogamous? Not necessarily. I think one of the things that is most impressive about the people I met who proclaim to be polyamorous is how communicative they are with all of their partners. [Communication] is the key to any relationship.”
“I think it is really tragic that so many of us feel shame about our own bodies. We were all made different, and we have these bodies that are unique to us. We should feel proud of that and not feel like we need to adhere to these impossible notions of beauty.”
“For so long, we perceived Chinese people as being those who worked in restaurants and low-paying jobs. Now what is happening in China has turned that on its head. As a Chinese American, I am starting to see Americans respecting China more but also fearing China more. That puts people like me in an unpredictable kind of place, because I am nervous about the fear of China and the fear of Chinese people in this country. … Look at what happened to Japanese Americans during World War II. In America, there has always been a deep-seated fear of Asians. Otherwise, the internment of so many American citizens wouldn’t have happened, and I hope to not see history repeating itself in the case of the Chinese.”
“I was pretty sheltered as a kid … and like most [Chinese American] families, we weren’t communicative about most things at home. … My dad would always tell me not to speak up about things. The idea of dating or learning about sex was something that just was not permissible. … [Sex] is still an education for me. At 44, I am still learning to come out of the shell, which is why I love doing what I do so much. … I really enjoyed exploring different aspects of the topic, and I hope it helps to normalize the conversation.”
