Why Love Is Not The Cure For Your Happiness

Originally published at lmt-lss.com on April 4, 2016.

Be responsible for your own happiness.

When you’ve been single for a long time, it can be hard to look at all the happy couples around you, and not feel a little wistful inside. It might seem like you would be happier if only you had someone to love. You can blame all your problems and all your unhappiness on being single, but if you’re not happy with yourself, you will not find happiness with a partner.

When you look around you, you see happy couples everywhere; in streets, in restaurants, on social media. But as is human nature, people tend to publicize and display only the best parts of their relationship, and keep the ugly bits to themselves. So your colleague might post a picture of her husband proposing to her with a rock-sized diamond, but she will not disclose his laziness, his disrespect for her, or any vices he might have. Relationships are not fairy-tales, but by choosing to show off only the good side of them, people in relationships often give the rest of us a complex.

Being in a relationship can sometimes manufacture a false sense of security, and of happiness, but no relationship ever brings true happiness, if you are not happy with yourself. When someone leads a fulfilling life by themselves, when their life is filled with activities, hobbies and friends, not only does it make one self-sufficient, it is also attractive to the opposite sex. Men, in particular are attracted to strong, independent women, who have full and happening lives, and do not base their happiness on a boyfriend. But that doesn’t mean you fill your life with activities to attract a boyfriend or a girlfriend. Do it for yourself. You deserve to be happy, and you don’t a relationship to make you happy.

Happiness comes from within. So those who are naturally happy, tend to be happier in their relationships too. People who have friends, loved ones, pets, hobbies and passions are never alone, and can always find inner peace in relationships. But those who seek to get into a relationship and make it the focus of their lives, tend to swing from ecstasy to depression. When your entire happiness is based on one single person or relationship, there are bound to be dark days. Not only will it bring about swings and fluctuations in your happiness, it will also make you very dependent on your partner. Be responsible for your own happiness. No one else should have the power to make you happy or sad.

Love doesn’t take away our problems, nor does it make us happier; it just makes it easier to face those problems, knowing that someone is by your side.