3 Essential Decisions
Every circumstance is followed by three decisions: what we choose to see, what does it mean to us and what do we do about it. We make these decisions so often most of us are on autopilot. Periodically we need to reconsider our default choices. If you are looking to change the trajectory of your life, take a chair.
Control vs Influence
Having complete control over any outcome is a myth. We aren’t in control of other people or situations but we do have influence on the world around us. The extent of our external influence is often related to how we manage our internal world. This is the most important work that we do because it defines us. We must master our internal dialogue because this is the story that we tell ourselves. And we live out those stories.
What do you choose to see?
Life is not dictated by our circumstances, but by our decisions. Our first decision is to decide, “What do I choose to see?” We choose what lens we want to see something through. Each lens has a different filter. Perhaps you pick up the lens that looks for what you don’t have. After awhile, it becomes a pattern to pick up the same lens everyday. This develops laser sharp focus for what you don’t have which is a miserable road to go down. Have you heard yourself say, “I don’t have THE career, THE person, THE look.” You can redirect that laser sharp focus. Your first decision is to pick a better lens. (My personal favorite lately is Abundance.)
What does it mean to you?
Our second decision is to decide, “What does this mean to me?” Most people let this happen unconsciously. You’re not literally asleep, but figuratively you might as well be. And since this decision or non-decision can radically alter your emotional state, it’s reckless to let this go unexamined. “Does it mean I’m not attractive? Does it mean I’m not talented? Does it mean I’m not worthy?” Don’t you feel defeated just reading that? What if we gave a different meaning to what we see? “It means I have a unique beauty. It means I am learning new skills. It means I’m perfecting unconditional love.”
Different thoughts can transform your emotional state. Your second decision is to give your first decision valuable meaning, pick a better thought. (Last month every tech snafu I ran into meant “I’m a tech dummy” which translated into terrible anxiety every time I thought about working on the company’s new website. I adopted I’m learning and that’s okay which felt so much better and gave me the bandwidth to stick with it.)
Litmus test for whether you are choosing better thoughts. How does this new thought make you feel? If you feel positive emotion, that’s a good thought. If you feel negative emotion, pick a better thought. (I actually try on thoughts like you might try on clothes. Somedays certain things fit better than others. And different occasions call for new outfits.)
What will you do?
Our third decision is to decide, “What will I do?” And really consider the cost. People have a tendency to camp out in planning and doing mode when they try to make changes in their lives. There’s meal planning for diets and workout regimens for fitness. It’s true, we can decide to do the right thing no matter how we feel. Most folks are disciplined enough to override their emotional state and get the job done for a fixed amount of time. This comes at a cost. The energy toll can be quite high if we choose a poor lens and shabby thoughts even when we do the right thing.
Our emotional state fuels our ability to accomplish any task. We all have our own personal 100 units of energy to expend every day. This is a combination of physical, mental and emotional resources. Don’t compare your 100% to anyone else. Your third decision is to decide what action to take and assess how many units of your energy it will consume. (When I have to take massive action to accomplish wildly improbable goals, I shed tasks that require high energy but deliver small returns.)
Litmus test for whether you are choosing better actions. Is the result empowering, neutral or dis-empowering? If the result is empowering, that’s the right action. If the result is dis-empowering, pick a better action. If you feel neutral, pick a better action. The energy is spent anyways, might as well get the most out of it.
Change Your Story
This is how people redefine themselves. Imagine what your life would be like choosing a lens that is truly in alignment with your essential self, choosing thoughts that give what you see positive meaning and taking action fueled by powerful positive emotions. This is how you can live your best life and influence the world around you for the better.
Originally published at linkedin.com on October 20, 2017.
