Is it possible for you not to care about other's opinions?
Is giving in a necessity or a curse?
Being a former people pleaser, it was important to me that everyone had a positive perception of me. I would go above and beyond to help others, but it left me feeling empty and dissatisfied.
This led me down a rabbit hole to figure out if it was possible to not care at all.
We humans naturally crave validation from our surroundings. This has been ingrained in us ever since we were born. Be a good kid and you will be rewarded. Being bad will result in neglect.
This instinct can be traced back to our primitive ancestors when it was necessary to be like the others to be accepted in a tribe. Those who did not follow the norm were considered outcasts and often left to be devoured by wild animals or starved.
Although our situation is not as dire as that of our ancestors, we still feel hurt or sorrow when someone judges us. Sometimes, we do need to understand what the person feels about us in case we have hurt them and improve ourselves. However, if we care excessively, it can be detrimental.
“Too much of anything is bad, but too much good whiskey is barely enough.” — Mark Twain
It’s true that our species often craves more and never feels satisfied. Truthfully, it is in our genes to care. But there are some ways to reduce and increase our ability not to care at all.
Here are some of the methods I have learned from lived experiences and some are from one of my favorite books, “The Subtle Art of Not Giving an f###” by Mark Manson.
1. The key to caring less isn’t to be indifferent but to be at peace with being different
Many people believe that pretending to be indifferent is the way to not care about other’s opinions. However, this is far from the truth. Being indifferent means you still care about others and pretend you don’t. Instead of faking indifference, we should focus on understanding and respecting our differences. We need to start being at peace with the fact that we might not be liked by everyone, and that’s okay.
2.Problems always occur in various ways, but you can choose to be bothered by them or not
Obstacles in life are an inevitable part of our lives. Some people prefer to take the easy road and avoid discomfort. However, when a plot twist is thrown in their way, they get flustered, annoyed, and blame others. In situations where we feel helpless, it’s essential to remember that we can still control our perception and avoid reacting.
People only have power over you if you allow them to have it.
3. Everyone’s opinions are not based on you, but on their perception of themselves.
Everyone must understand that every person’s opinions of you are not entirely based on you. Their personal experiences, trauma, insecurities, and judgment influence their opinions. In reality, everyone has a biased and filtered point of view of you, which is not valid, as they do not truly know you. Therefore, their opinion doesn’t hold much significance in your life. For example, some people tend to constantly give harsh criticism, but it is important to realize that this is often just a projection of their insecurities, as they feel the need to bring others down to feel better about themselves.
4. Understand whether you want to be liked or be true.
There is a certain amount of responsibility placed on everyone’s shoulders in the society that we live in. If one does not comply, they are bashed with heavy judgment and dishonor. But at the end of the day, truly does it matter? Do we have to fit into every mold the society or surroundings place us in? This is when your courage and resilience are tested.
To cultivate courage, we must first write down our goals and aspirations. Slowly, we can start adapting our lives to it. As our confidence in our abilities grows, we naturally do not care what others say, as we are confident in our abilities.
We must choose between exploring and understanding what truly matters to us or succumbing to the perceptions of others.
5. Care about better things, or else the small things will bother you more
As stated above, when you start working towards your goals, the less you care about others’ judgment. This is because now you have much better things to care about than something you can’t even control. For example, someone putting effort into their day through a morning routine, exercise, diet, and work is less affected by other people’s opinions than someone who wakes up without a plan and goes through the day without any organization. This is because the more something threatens you, the more you avoid it.
……And the most important point……
6. Put that energy you give to others into yourself :)
The majority of us have been wired to believe that only when we get other’s approval will we feel fulfilled. However, it is equally important to prioritize our own needs. If we always give to others without taking care of ourselves, we will likely end up feeling empty and unhappy. So I encourage you to take a break and write a list of things that genuinely make you happy, like meeting with family and friends, painting, dancing, or even being a couch potato for a day. Then, try to incorporate these things into your weekly routine and see how much happier and fulfilled you will feel.
In Conclusion,
We cannot control people’s perceptions. However, focusing on self-improvement is a simple yet effective solution.
