That time I had lunch with a couple of Nigerian Monarchs.

For reasons best left to the human imagination, I’ve had to forgo some of my guilty pleasures. One of which is Saturday morning street photography that usually ends up in Brunch at some random new bistro/restaurant, I discovered along the way.

So on Saturday, I ran into my friend (who for all intents and purposes of this story, will bear the name of James), on his way back from the gym. I’ve never known James to be a fitness nut, so I assume there’s a beautiful young lady he’s trying to woo at the gym.

He offers to buy me lunch at GT Fast Foods, while we discuss a photoshoot, he’d like me to help him with (if only all my clients were like this 🙄). which I’m ecstatic about, cause

1. It’s free food &
2. As much as I’d hate to admit, I live 15 minutes away from GT, but I’ve never once braved a trip over there (the fear of GT’s prices are the beginning of wisdom).

We settle down, order Jollof Rice and 2 cans of Orijin Zero each, I’m halfway through my first can, when this Mercedes Benz C350 parks outside and 2 guys alight. I recognize them, cause I’ve seen them with James a couple of times before. They come over, exchange handshakes, one shakes my hand, while the other ignores me (cause well, I don’t look like I drive a Benz) & starts ranting to James about how Ayo (a mutual friend of theirs) had “slyed” them.

From what I could gather, they’d put up with Ayo for a little over 8 months, fed him, clothed him, the whole shebang and now that he’d hit the mother lode, he’d packed his things, while they were out and fled with one of their girlfriends.

I resisted the urge to laugh (simply out of fear for my life) but the phrase “No Honour amongst Thieves” did come to mind a couple of times. I found it funny that those who preyed on the emotions and the goodwill of others, expected not so similar treatment from their partners in crime.

Like what were you expecting? He’d scam some old lady 👵🏾 and you all will drive into the sunset, in a couple of Benzes? Well I laughed, listened to them plot, all the nasty little things they said they’d do to table Ayo’s f*ck up. I got up, paid for my meal (didn’t want to have free food on my mind as I told James, I’d not be working with him for a while/maybe never) Picked up my Nikon DSLR and said a silent prayer for Ayo (Nigerian Monarchs do not like to be slighted) as I headed into town for some street photography.

In order completely unrelated news, I need new friends 😒.

I remain

Ochuko A. Akpomudjere

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