The Struggles Of Being A Police Wife.
My husband works in law enforcement and is a police officer. We both work nights, but his job is more mentally and physically strenuous. I know I’m not alone when it comes to the challenges a wife is put through while being married to a cop. Here are a few things I struggle with as a cop’s wife and how I cope with it. I hope this reaches someone in need.
Anxiety!
Every night he works, I’m consumed with anxiety. I’m constantly praying to God that he makes it back home to me in the morning. The world is a dangerous place nowadays. I call him throughout the night to hear his voice and check on him but crime is unpredictable. There are times when I call him and we’ve only been talking for about ten seconds, and he has to hang up and run to help or arrest someone.
Not only do I worry about his safety but I also worry about his mental well-being. My husband witnesses a lot of people’s turmoil and agonies, I know that it has to affect him because he comes home upset about it some days. I fear he will fall into depression or develop anxiety.
When it comes to dealing with anxiety I find myself praying a lot and when I’m not praying I’m keeping myself busy. Reading and writing have become a sanctuary for me, I created a reading nook and spend a lot of time with my nose in a book or with a pen in hand. I also keep myself busy by being the prime caretaker of the house. I clean, cook, decorate and put furniture together. That way he also gets to come home to a welcoming environment.
The loneliness
The twelve-hour long shifts keep us apart. We both work the night shift but on opposite schedules. So the days he’s off, I work and vice versa, only seeing each other in the morning a few minutes before bed. When he comes home he is exhausted, so we lay together chit-chatting until we fall asleep. I miss having all night to cuddle and watch movies on our couch together.
Our date nights have been nonexistent lately. There are evenings when I long to be able to go do the things we used to do. We used to have long evenings together, we would go to our favorite dinner spot, then we went to see the latest movie released, and my favorite was the long walks along a lit up waterway — discussing plans for our future together. I know we both are lonely and miss the way things used to be.
The scheduling and timing
Some days he comes home late because he’s stuck writing a long report or he is on another call trying to help someone. Not to mention, the staying over late or going in for training including the overtime he picks up.
During holidays or birthdays is hard. Depending on what day of the week Christmas or Thanksgiving falls on, we may not see each other for that holiday that year.
When we finally manage to have time to enjoy a meal together, a lot of the time it’s interrupted by his sergeant or coworkers trying to reach him.
How we deal with loneliness and scheduling is by communicating and compromising more. We came to an agreement that we would flip-flop on the days of who should wake up a couple of hours early to cuddle, and go to our favorite store or restaurant to spend time together. When it comes to scheduling, I accept that there are going to be bad days and can’t change that.
The sad side of law enforcement couples.
It’s no secret of the soaring divorce rate in law enforcement. Everywhere I turn someone I know has separated.
One of my husband’s coworkers jokingly stated, “You’re not a real cop until you get a divorce!”
That saddened me but my husband and I refuse to let ourselves be a couple destroyed by our careers.
How we cope and manage our lives.
We’re finally coming to a point in our marriage where I can quit my job soon so I can take care of the house and spend more time together. I’m thankful because not everyone is in a position to quit their jobs, I realize that it is a privilege.
One more thing to realize about being the wife of a cop is that you cannot be selfish. I often find myself having moments of self-pity but then catch myself. He is probably way more stressed and just as lonely as I am. He’s the one in danger every night.
