Friendship With The World Is Overrated
In this world, choose your allies wisely.
We can’t be singing the Kumbaya My Lord around the campfire with every single person we meet (unless you want to) every day. It’s draining. Especially for a loner.
Whether you’re an on-the-fence loner or hate the label… it’s no secret. We all get drained by certain type of people and behaviors.
I have talked to extroverts and they tell me the same story as well. How draining it is to interact with people who are negative, self-pitying, or hostile with their words. Extroverts often are very transparent about it — they often can articulate clearly how they feel about a situation right off the bat rather than suppressing it or acting passive-aggressive.
As for introverted individuals and loners — this is our fault to a T. We regress, remain silent, or try to politely slip out of the other exit to avoid drama. We can come off as the biggest jerks as well.
For this reason, we have to be even more resolute about the friendships and interactions we choose to partake in.
We get drained fast by social interactions alone, but drained faster by negative ones.
We can be awesome listeners, but can fail in direct communication —something that is necessary to thrive in social interactions of the world.
The point of it all being — it doesn’t matter if you’re an introvert, loner, or extrovert.
We all get drained. If we truly feel our inner fuel tank running low, it’s because we are called for something else that cannot be found in the physicality of the world.
I know — it’s an existential thought.
Granted, we are required to interact with the world and all of its people whether they fill our tank or drain it fast.
However, the better we become at choosing our allies that we partner up with in life, the better we will become at navigating life from within and outside of solitude.
Choose Your Friends Wisely
In life, we often mistaken an acquaintance with a friend.
True friends often exhibit the following:
1. Love
They support each other with endeavors through ups and downs. They’d be willing to help each other in need. In times of trouble or celebrations, they show up. It’s not a game of keeping track or owing each other a favor. It’s.just.love. No matter where they are or where they are at in life (whether at a bottomless pit or at the peak of the mountain) true friends are there for each other because they have grown to love each other as family.
2. Support
While support goes hand-in-hand with love, true friends encourage and challenge each other mutually — whether that be with viewpoints or with each other’s dreams and aspirations. It’s active support. Not simply a “good job!” type of pleasantry.
3. Meaning
Do you simply hang out with someone just so you feel less lonely? Do you decide to book that trip or go to that hip restaurant with a friend just so you’re not missing out? Do you “befriend” someone just so you can expand or add to your friend circle? This is a budding superficial friendship that will only leave you feeling empty inside if you are naturally driven by authenticity. It’s a major drainer for loners because of how surface level these interactions can be.
On the other hand, meaningful relationships go deeper. You become partners to help build meaning. You create together.
4. Boundaries
Setting boundaries is something we learn in every friendship/relationship. If the boundaries are unclear, the line between friend and acquaintance is blurry. This is where most of us in society go wrong. We confuse an acquaintance for a friend. We begin live out our whole lives as an illusion and are filled with disappointment and hurt.
Engage With The Right People For You
This can come off as snobby and pious. If we really look behind the intentionality of it , it really is not and we overcomplicate it.
If we are naturally influenced by what we consume and who we interact with, we need to be diligent about navigating life with intentionality.
Engaging with the right people to befriend means to find your niche and people with core values similar to your own. This will look different for everyone. Authentic will look different to everyone.
Picking friends carefully is just being real.
Befriending someone out of feelings of obligation, because they are nice, pleasant, fun, cool, or rich are all surface-level reasons to build a friendship on. We’ve got caught up in the “being nice” conundrum.
Life isn’t about being nice. Kindness is much better.
The kindest thing you can do for someone is not to befriend him/her if you do not plan on making it a meaningful friendship.
If you are already in a friendship that teeters on boundaries… you’ll have to figure out the choice to make based on your values.
Do you value authenticity or loyalty more?
Do you value being nice over honesty?
It’s your call and can be a difficult decision if we don’t know where we stand. In any case, good luck, friend (yes — I will call you friend), and don’t make it complicated.
Navigating The Social World
Without doubt, you will have to interact with the world.
But as you do, live in the most real way possible that will benefit both you and others.
Don’t try to befriend the whole world. That’s overwhelming and adds no value if it’s not at a deeper level..
Be kind and show love regardless, but choose your allies in life wisely.
As of right now, I bet your allies are hiding out too for a while.
With love. ❤
