10 Miscellaneous Opinions
by: Chelsea Blanco
1. As Nature Made Him: The Boy Who Was Raised as a Girl — by: John Colapinto
Although it feels more like a textbook than a memoir, this novel challenges every pre-conceived notion about the gender binary and the nature of intersex people. Based on the true story of a man raised as a woman after a botched circumcision, the novel confronts the nature of forced sex transitions, and re-vitalizes the notion that gender — regardless of where it falls along the spectrum — is innate and fundamentally complex. Read this book only if willing to tell any and all acquaintances about the problems intrinsic in the dimorphic gender norm.
2. Me Before You — by: Jojo Moyes
With its pretty, pale, and hopelessly cliché cover, Me Before You would fit perfectly along a shelf of Nicholas Sparks books. The Central Conflict of the novel — as well as the outcome of this tired love story — is painfully obvious from the first chapter. Yes, the girl is (unbeknownst to her) amazingly beautiful. Yes, she’s single. Yes, an unexpected, handsome stranger suddenly enters her life. Yes, this man has a ~tragic backstory~ and needs saving. Pieced it together yet? Somehow, however, this book manages to defy expectations in subtle, stimulating ways, and the characters are surprisingly interesting.
All in all, the weary tropes and slim character development make this novel an adequate beach read.
3. Room (adaptation of the novel Room by Emma Donoghue)
Set mainly within the four cramped walls of a garden shed — that a kidnapped teenage mother and her son call home — this movie is incredible. It settles just beneath your skin, prickling and stirring emotions with every smile, every laugh, and every tear shed by its protagonists. Your heart beats as one with Ma as she rolls her son in a carpet, hoping her kidnapper will believe him to be dead and initiate her only hope of escape. Your heart leaps with Jack’s as he sees sunlight for the first time. Your heart stops with the five-year-old as he finds his mother cold, lifeless, and bleeding on the bathroom floor. This movie is uplifting, inspiring, and heart wrenching. Go find it as soon as possible. (Note: watch only when the mood/company/setting are suitable for excessive tears.)
4. Stranger Things
This sci-fi show instills a deep-set paranoia of flashing bulbs and Christmas string lights. Hello, petrifying nightmares.
5. Hair (Little Mix)
“Hair” is the perfect blend of a simple, catchy pop melody and a lyrical ‘hook’. The lyrics make no logical sense and to the rational mind, they’re utterly ridiculous — but there’s something incredibly fascinating about them. “I call my girl cause I got a problem/Only a curl is gonna solve it” — How much power can a ‘curl’ really have? What problems can it solve? Can it truly mend a broken heart? This song draws you in immediately, almost helplessly. Soon, you find yourself singing “Gotta get him out my hair” on an endless loop — between aisles at the grocery store, underneath your breath as you’re making coffee in the morning, at the top of your lungs while you take a shower. It sticks with you and remains semi-permanently in the back of your mind, ready at a moments’ notice within the slightest hair of a reference.
6. The Man in the High Castle (adaptation of the novel The Man in the High Castle by Philip K. Dick)
Set in an alternate universe where the Axis Powers won the Second World War, “The Man in the High Castle” is a living nightmare. The U.S. has been divided between the “Greater Nazi Reich” and the “Japanese Pacific States,” with only a narrow neutral zone separating the two. Citizens are sworn to loyalty, with only a feeble underground movement left challenging the two regimes. The protagonists are dynamic, fascinating, and wretchedly multifaceted. Watching this series is like playing a game of Monopoly with new friends — trust is fragile and opportunities are short-lived. (Note: there is only one season available. Watch with caution.)
7. “Eat Mor Chikin” Chick-Fil-A Advertisement
There’s something grotesquely satisfying about seeing cows campaign for chicken consumption.
8. Wynwood Art District
Just an eight-minute drive from North Miami’s $16-a-ticket Pérez Art Museum, Wynwood is every hipster’s waking dream. From political cartoons to murals that simulate a severe acid trip, Wynwood Walls is its own living, breathing modern art museum. It’s sprawled haphazardly over several blocks, and it’s desperately in need of a good exterminator after the whole Zika fiasco, but the former warehouses have now become the perfect Instagram spot. The best piece, by far, is the street artist Eduardo Kobra’s graffiti mural. The flashily colorful Yoda carrying a stop sign reading, “stop wars” in the infamous movie’s font has become a landmark in the neighborhood.
Note: Security guards become salty when you climb/straddle/pose on the art, no matter how much the pieces look like tires.
9. Harry Potter and the Cursed Child
The Harry Potter series has become a fixture in children’s literature. Its sway can still be felt throughout the genre, and yet — why does J.K. Rowling (and associates, apparently) continue to editorialize nine years after publishing the last installment in the series? Here, I offer some issues in need of clarification.
Why did reading The Cursed Child feel like wandering into the darkest part of Tumblr at 4 a.m.? If this were true, why didn’t Scorpius and Albus have a romantic tryst in the owlery?
How much alcohol did it take to find Voldemort sexually appealing?
Didn’t we read years of theories about the possibility of Voldie-spawn and write them off as the insane ramblings of thirteen-year-olds on fanfiction.net?
Could the name “Delphi” have possibly outranked Werewolf McWerewolf* for Worst Subliminal Characterization We’re Supposed To Accept?
*Remus Lupin
Did Jack Thorne and John Tiffany really use J.K. Rowling’s name as the basis for their marketing plan? Or are we supposed to believe that J.K. Rowling actually provided the inspiration behind this psychotic interpretation of fan speculation?
Why did Cedric Diggory — a precious cinnamon roll, pretty much the only reason why Hufflepuffs are on the map — suddenly decide to brand himself with the most cliché tattoo in the series?
Why are James and Lily perfectly capable of strolling around the block while a psycho serial killer/mind reader/pureblood supremacist is actively trying to assassinate them (and their infant) for the fourth time?
Was it entirely necessary to have Albus make out with his aunt?
WHERE WAS ROSE and why was she even introduced if she was just going to be written off/ignored/used solely to confirm Scorpius’s sexuality?
How else could I have spent the pre-order price of $17.99 + $3.99 shipping?
1) 22 rainbow glow-in-the-dark slinkies
2) 5 family-sized boxes of Fruit Loops
3) 4,085 Q-tips
4) 3 used copies of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone
Why am I not reading this for free online?
10) Tapestries
They’re cliché, yes. If you walk into the dorm room/apartment/shabby home of any college-aged girl, there’s an 83% chance you’ll see one pinned to a wall. But how else are you supposed to cover cinderblock/$12 white paint walls? They’re striking, they’re cheaper than a large pizza, and they make a liminal space feel like home.
