A reintroduction to my body

I’m healing from my jaw surgery, and the most obvious and anticipated change is of course, the jaw line and dental occlusion.

The bruises are gone, but it can take months for the swelling to settle. The waiting is always an exercise of patience. Every time I look in the mirror, I give thanks for the progress, albeit bit by bit.

I’ve been here before — the healing. I know to trust that even when I think the swelling is done, it’s really not. Like a balloon slowly leaking air, the shape of my face returning. A more recognizable me.

But the rest of my body has changed, too. It feels foreign to me.

I’ve lost 10 pounds in 3 weeks. My body has withered. Every liquid calorie I consume is quickly tasked with fueling my healing. And it’s just not enough. My ribs visible and my leg muscles atrophied.

My nerves on one side of my face haven’t woken back up, and may not gain total control again. My eyelid won’t close all the way. My eyebrow won’t raise. My top lip won’t lift.

The injury to my hip is the most significant. I didn’t walk for 4 days. Then, I walked to the bathroom with 2 nurses carrying me. Next, I used a cane. Now, I can walk further, stand longer. But it’s going to take time and exercise to build my strength back up. Aches and pains when I walk, sit, sleep. Every time I take a step, I give thanks for the progress, albeit bit by bit.

My millennial hunchback posture has gotten exponentially worse. This is due to my head and neck feeling like 1,000 pounds, and a sore core. I am doing a lot of laying and lounging, but when I do walk across the apartment or stand by the blender, I try to focus on engaging my core, keeping my chin back and my eyes ahead. I give thanks for the progress, albeit bit by bit.

I trust my body.
I trust this process.
I release the worries that do not serve me.
I am healing.
Albeit bit by bit.

I am powerful,
Steph