We didn’t expect it

I’m sorry for being so trusting and brave that I didn’t ask more questions
You didn’t expect me to look the way I did
Those first five days
In the ICU bed

I’m sorry for the machines, tubes, wires, and drains weaving in and out of me
It looked much different than the first time
You didn’t expect it

I’m sorry for lashing out when I couldn’t communicate how I was feeling
I’ve never felt so helpless
And, you too
Watching me squirm in discomfort
Putting my feet up, then down
Adjusting my pillows, left, right
Ice on my head, ice on my legs
Rubbing my feet
Patting my forehead

Restless, helpless
The group of us
Together in that ICU

This feeling of guilt for putting you through this
I didn’t expect it
It is my worst nightmare to cause you pain

But, you don’t want my apologies
You’d never expect it

Steadfast, effortless
The group of you
Together in that ICU