Finding the Meaning In Being Consciously Single
It’s Not All Bad
I never thought I would be here. This wasn't what I imagined my life to be when I was my younger me- unattached, childless, and not living in a Barbie Dream House. I thought I would have it all by at least the age of 25. Ah, the follies of the young.
I used to chase love and monogamy in the past, hoping each relationship would fulfill me and bring me closer to my girlhood dreams- using so much time to make others feel loved and celebrated when my own cup was bare and empty.
There was the live-in boyfriend who I happily played house with until that house of cards came crashing down- the alcoholic Peter Pan who missed my birthday dinner because his love of the bottle was stronger than it was for me- And then the one that really hurt, Mr. Right at the Wrong Time.
After that last one, I spent so much time wondering where I went wrong, why I couldn't keep a hold on to commitment, partnership, love. I walked around for months with a gaping hole in my chest, looking and looking for a stopper to cauterize my heart, hunting for someone new to make up for the aches of yesterday.
It went on and on. Swipe after swipe. Date after date after date. All of the introductions, niceties, fake smiles, drinks bought, wasted makeup, late nights, almost…
