Herbert Lemon #1

I just found this, from when I was the editor of a fake online newspaper back in 2016

Life Gives You Lemon: Welcome to The Oracle

Dear Reader

Welcome to The Oracle.

This is a pamphlet for those with concerned soul who feel the liberally-run media does not represent them. This is a pamphlet for those who wish to counter the scourge of ‘politically-correct’. This is a pamphlet to cut-through the weak-willed masses. A pamphlet who will not say yes, yes yes, but will say no, no, no; No to the liberal agenda, No to the leftie at the gate, No to the new ways of inaction. This is a paper on the modern internet, very kindly put up by my grandson, Arthur. A paper to fuel the fires of rightful retaliation. We are not deaf to fading England’s faltering cries, and we shall be a part of her salvation. Reader, you have made a keen and instinctive choice; and just at the final bell.

This journal hopes in some way to ignite the passion that has lain dormant for too long in the breasts of right-thinking English men. The Lemon’s have long been a proud, political family — my grandfather, Sir Kennedy Lemon, Wartime Dignitary of the Lower Amazon and supportive Rotary Club Member, perhaps in many ways best represents the rigour with which we have always supported England’s noble traditions. He once saved HRH King George from a sudden barrage of hateful fruit, hurled with churlish intent, as the duo partook tea on the terrace. My grandfather’s quick thinking prevented a nasty stain on the King’s cloak, and as such on the reputation of the country.

Be heartened leader, such strengths of Lemon withhold. I, myself, am the winner of an award. The Oracle will not fail you.

Remember, always, be wary of the devil at our gates.

Herbert Lemon