The Sultans Test
Ludicrous.
Two lamps blaze beside an ornate throne. The setting is vaguely ‘middle eastern’, as suggested by the surroundings and colours. A beat. The First Guard enters. He runs in a strange, elaborate fashion to one side of the throne. The Second Guard does the same, ending up on the other side, facing backwards. Then, the Sultan enters — a turban, large bushy beard, stern expression. He sits on the throne, staring out in a somber manner. From behind the throne, out suddenly pops the Advisor wielding two fans. He does a quick fan dance for the Sultan which involves a lot of bending at the waist and sweeping his silk clad legs about like a daddy long legs. He finishes.
Advisor
Step for’ard!
The first of the potential wives step forward.
You have been selected as a possible match for our king. BUT you must complete one simple test. The ancient test! Passed down through generations and generations. Only the boldest have succeeded. The test is this; you must sing the lyrics of Jitterbug by Wham! — but you must replace go-go with wake-wake. Wake WAKE me up before you GO. Dare you attempt?
Wife One
Yes.
Advisor
Yessss! The lady, she attempts! A cunning mare.
The guards mutter ‘a cunning mare indeed, such like a mare’ etc
Are you ready?
Wife One
Yes.
Advisor
Sing, bird!!!!
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