There Was No Tick-Tock In My Baby Clock
What feels like not so very long ago, myself & my husband decided it was about time we got a move on & try having a baby.
We had been putting off the big decision for nearly a decade.
You might wonder what took us so long. High Interest rates, a recession and the fact that we worked in different countries most weeks of the year are just some of the reasons. We were also having a pretty fun time just the two of us.
There was another substantial issue and that was that it appeared my biological clock was either running slow or the battery was dead in it.
You see I had never once heard the tick tick of my biological clock, I don’t recall ever a time I looked at a baby & thought “Gee, their soooooooo cute, I have to get myself one of them”. I just didn’t really get the whole clucky, broody thing. It baffled me & honestly as time ticked by, it’s absence started to worry me.
So you can imagine my surprise when I discovered that for all those years, I’d be lying to myself. It turned out I had to my complete astonishment a huge amount of suppressed maternal desire. No sooner had my beautiful baby been handed over the section screen to me did I find myself thinking for me the unthinkable… I have to get me another one of them.
Looking back clearly it must it have been the morphine & yet, it certainly wasn’t. Baby No 2 arrived on the scene a year plus a little tax later.
At my 6 week post-natal check up on baby No 2, Dr D called out to his secretary, complete with a wink to book me in again for the new year. I left his surgery with all the pregnant ladies in waiting roaring laughing at me. Despite the embarrassment I was still thinking, it’ll be more like next spring. My husband on one occasion had suggested perhaps we’d have four, I now suspect that was inexperience & new baby euphoria talking.
Reality hit soon after. A crying baby for six months, a sick baby for another six, throw in a parent been unwell & it’s here we find ourselves nearly two New Years later, with no planned appointment to see Dr D. I could give you a hundred reasons why we have no more plans made. At the end of the day they’re just excuses, for what? I’m unsure.
Is it we’re just too tired, too old, too scared to go through it all again?
The strange thing is despite what we’ve been through, sometimes out of nowhere in a rare fleeting moment, when things are going well, nobody is sick, they both sleep the night before or I see them embrace each other with such love, I think maybe, just maybe, we’ll make that appointment in the Spring.
Tick Tock, Tick Tock……
