I Might Not Be My Pre-baby Self But At Least I Won’t Stoop To Using A Mascara Wand Covered In Bus Gunk

Tonight is our first date night post baba and despite all my attempts at being organised my darling daughter decided to spend half the afternoon napping for once and then take her own sweet time having a feed.

Not wanting to risk leaking all over my outfit I had to change after all this carry on. Very exciting news, this was an outfit that didnt include milk stained maternity jeans and the inclusion of my first underwired bra in over a year. #GlamMam.

All this means I got stuck rushing and I had to do my makeup on route to meeting himself. Mid war paint application I dropped my mascara wand on my top and now have a lovely black streak which would be fine on my normal mammy wear which consists of dark dark and more dark (all the better to hide the poo stains on my dears).

Alas in an attempt to remind my husband of the fun fashionable woman he married I chanced my arm wearing a dainty wee yellow number.

Fucking idiot.

Ain’t no disguising that big black blob streaking down on that. It’s all over the show too so I cant even pass it as a subtle design or pattern. The irony is for the first time since birthing my wonderful sleep-stealing off-spring I’m actually missing the fact I’d normally have a packet of water wipes on me.

Back to the situation at hand. I can’t find the fecking wand. Fuckity fuck. I only have one eye done!!!!

I should at this point mention mention that I’m on a bus.

Naturally I booked cinema tickets in town because I thought it would be handy to just meet himself after work, grab a bite to eat and then go see the film. Oh the rosemantic dateness of it all. Great idea, except I still can’t drive after the c-section and I only remembered that at 6am this morning. So in my sleep deprived state I handed over the car keys to himself so he could take the car to work so we can get home later and I thought to myself “sure it’ll be grand, and wont the peace on the bus be bliss?” Talk about baby brain delusion.

What was I thinking tying myself to a flipping bus time table with a five week old calling all the shots with regards to my comings and goings?

So where was I? Oh yes, mascara wand. Ok, it’s fallen down the side of my seat, I now can see it but don’t think I can reach it. Although I’m not sure I want to as it’s covered in random gross bus fluff and stuff. I am spending way to long giving proper consideration to retrieving the fluff covered wand and using it. What have I become?!

Fuck this. Chances are I wont see anyone I know between the bus stop and the cinema so I am gonna risk it for a biscuit and hopefully I pass an open chemist somewhere on the way to the restaurant.

Otherwise himself will be having dinner with someone looking like an Adam Ant reject.