The Mother, The Switch & The Wardrobe
One Thursday morning last December I stood frantically looking into my wardrobe trying to find something to wear to my local mother & toddler Christmas Party.
As a result of being pregnant for the two previous winters my choice of casual clothes was to say the least, slim to nothing. With two kids under two my main priority was not clothes shopping & especially not clothes shopping for me.
What transpired was, that I ended up visiting Santa in as my mother would say a “rig out”, that looked like I was attending an interview for a new & upcoming role in his organisation.
I’m cringing as I sit here typing, mostly about how awkward I felt, how extremely tired I felt & yet how truly excited I felt about bringing my two special little people to see the man in red for the first time.
I really wanted to look & feel the part, you know that part, the part of the mom who has her $h1t together.
I wanted to be who I used to be, presents bought in October, wrapped in November & turn up for the Office Christmas Party looking the part.
I’ve always worked & worked long hours, my need for a wardrobe full of casual clothes has been limited. It’s hard now for me to say this ( looking at all those missed opportunities outside of work), but apart from getting out for a run before or after work I had little time for myself. You know how it is, working long hours & coming home to another half days work of cleaning, washing, & grocery shopping, there’s wasn’t much me time left. If I did manage to meet friends during the week, I never had time to change beforehand.
In truth, I’m a recovering workaholic, or for those of you reading this with two under two will know, I’m still a workaholic, I have just switched roles.
After baby number one , I returned to work part-time & pregnant on baby no two. I just wore my maternity clothes, & my sports wardrobe of Lycra served me well for my “at home days”. When reality hit after baby no two that I wasn’t going to be able to return to work for a number of reasons, it became clear that my wardrobe of office attire was not suitable to that of a stay at home mom.
At the time having to pack up my “old work” clothes & put them away was an incredibly hard thing to do.
In essence I packed up who I was, who I had worked so hard to become.
I can’t list the amount of fun opportunities I missed out on to get where I was, nor does it matter now. What matters is the sacrifices I made for all those years, mean that I can be where I’m most needed now.
Since last December, I’ve managed to buy a few new pieces of clothes & I mix the casual pieces of my BC (before children) wardrobe to create an attempt at the “mommy stays at home” look. However the reality is, I’m still not that mom who has her $h1t together, I’m standing here in my kitchen, in my sports gear & flip flops, trying to figure out after nearly 20 years of working, who I am outside of work & what on earth… does that mom person wear.