The Problem With Date Nights
Date nights. Great in theory.
You know the magazine articles: stock photos of attractive couples playing footsie under a table in an expensive restaurant, but the very thought of them can strike fear into the hearts of many a tired parent.
Some people find them contrived or too much pressure. You can’t force people into having a nice time just because you call it ‘date night’. And just how much effort do you have to make? Do you have to match your underwear? Do you have to put out after date night? Gah, we hate date night!
Of course we all know relationships need to be nurtured.
You are together by choice, and that choice must be cared for if it is to stay made.
Having a baby doesn’t always bring couples closer together, in fact, it can tear them apart (which is why the concept of a band aid baby is never, ever a good one). I have seen the happiest couples become chippy and distant with each other. The “he’s useless” comments about a partner who never gets anything right anymore.
The tiredness and routine that comes with having children, and the inalienable truth that the majority of work in the home is still done by Mums can all build a slow but steady resentment.
One Mum told me they can’t justify the expense of date nights, as without childcare, even going to the cinema ends up costing a small fortune when you factor in the price of babysitting. But she said that instead, her husband and her make sure at least once a week all the kids are put to bed early and they have dinner and an evening where “we agree to just be really nice to each other, and ask the other person how they are. It works for us”.
Another said her and her husband watch box sets together which seems to be the new date night for many couples.
Let’s be honest — box sets are essentially the glue that holds many marriages together.
So don’t call it date night if that grates, but do it in some shape or form. Spending time alone with your partner might just remind you of why you decided to have babies with them in the first place.
Seeing them interact with other people at a party often shows you that other people see the good in them, the good that maybe you can’t always see anymore after surviving on three hours sleep for so long. Watching others laugh in your partner’s company can sometimes just trigger those lovely memories of when you were laughing too instead of rolling your eyes at how he has dressed the toddler.
And if you still can’t find any of the good stuff, then go to Amazon and buy lots and lots of box sets.
