Me And My VBAC

I made a promise to an important person in my life 18 months ago to write this story.

The person in question has helped, supported & listened to me no end for the most part of the last 3 years, the person in question is my……OBGYN . The story is how my VBAC was successful against a lot of odds.

Ah pregnancy, what can I say only I think my body is doing payback to me for waiting so long to have kids. I’ve had two successful pregnancies, however both were classed as high risk to some degree. The pregnancies were tough emotionally & physically. I never slept, I had constant nausea, vomiting & dizziness, my pelvis & tailbone hurt so much, sitting to standing used to involve holding onto my desk & bracing myself for the pain that followed as I tried to stand, oh & at one point I started to develop preeclampsia.

I’m pretty stubborn/determined/strong willed, call it what you will & my delusion of been a fit, happy, healthy mom-to-be, really got in the way of the reality.

I convinced myself for a good part of my first pregnancy I was doing great.

Then at what I thought was a routine check up at 34 weeks my Obs asked where my husband was right now. My baby was coming sooner than planned. A freak out of sobbing & near hysteria followed. I can remember repeating I wasn’t ready ( I really wasn’t, in so many ways), the baby wasn’t ready & anything else I could think of to get out of the necessary C Section I had to have. Before we knew it we had our new addition, a little early & a little small but doing great.

Pregnancy no 2 was pretty much more of the same but with some new anxieties at the start, anyone who has heard the words “no definite heartbeat” will know what I mean. A week of waiting & seeing thankfully showed a tiny heart beat on the screen.

I really struggled 2nd time around, partly because I knew where being deceitful to myself got me first time around & partly because I already had a smallie at home & I was working. I visited Dr D most of the 38 weeks of my pregnancy. We just took it visit to visit & were told to be prepared for a similar ending to the 1st.

My Obs isn’t big on birth plans, & after having two unpredictable endings to two pregnancies I know why. Myself & my Obs did talk loosely and noncommittal about how & what I wanted but I told him the babies health & well being was first and foremost over my ideal plan. The truth was I wanted to at least try a “natural birth”, & I say that tongue in cheek as having experienced both birthing types, I’m pretty sure none of its that natural.

I got to 35 weeks & once again I was really unwell. Everywhere I went people asked was I in labour. I grimaced with pain as I walked, stood, took a breath, really just about anything I did, hurt. One afternoon I was queuing to buy baby grows for the new arrival & a shop assistant insisted on getting me a chair to sit on as she was convinced I was in labour “I just didn’t know it” she told me.

Still I insisted on putting in another few torturous weeks. I just lived in hope my waters would break, it didn’t happen. After nearly 9 months of feeling like crap, I couldn’t keep going, I had given my all & I honestly had nothing left to give. I was truly disappointed with myself that I just couldn’t go on. My Obs said I was been really hard on myself & that I had hung on far longer than he had thought or hoped I would. My C Section was booked for two days later.

The night before the section was the same as pretty much every other night of my pregnancies…. I saw every hour on the clock. I twisted and turned and visited the toilet the usual 20 times. I was convinced through out that night, that the pain had more pattern to it. I really didn’t think you could experience that much pressure & pain, & not be close to labour. I started to time the phantom pain pattern but gave up around 4 o clock & resigned myself to the fact that my second born was also to arrive by section.

What happened next is like one of those movie scenes, on the way to the hospital we had to pull in, I couldn’t catch my breath with the pains I was experiencing. I arrived for my section complete with contractions. My Ob was delighted at the signs I was showing but I was not in active labour. I could attempt a trial labour but there was no guarantee that it would result in a full labour or a non section birth. I was delighted just at been given the chance.

So my Ob headed off to start his surgeries and I started my trial labour. The mid wives were great, they informed me that this wasn’t going to be like a normal labour and that if it was going to happen, it would be as I like to put it fast and furious. I tried to do without the epidural. I‘m really not to sure how long I lasted without it, but I can assure you this, it was no where near as long as I envisioned in my birth plan.

Shortly after I got the epidural, I started to drift off to sleep or so I thought until the alarms were sounding and I had medical staff surrounding me in a panic. They managed to pump me full of fluids and stabilize me. The alarms sounded at least two other times that afternoon and emergency section was mentioned more than once.

Out of nowhere I started feeling bad pain & burning, I was assured by all around me the pain couldn’t be as bad as I was saying. It was only when I jumped off the bed & started screaming at my husband to help the baby was coming was the anaesthetist called. He was a young locum who clearly had never been in a labour ward. He proceeded to ask me “could I tell him where the pain was”!!! Seriously, he asked me that. English wasn’t his first language, but the line in my freaking Whohah seemed to translate ok.

It turned out that A. The epidural feed had come out when they had stabilised me earlier & B. That the baby was crowning & would I like to see it. I couldn’t help myself but look, & really I just wanted to be sure there wasn’t actually somebody down there with a lighter.

In the end it took just over an hour in active labour, followed by 6 pushes & out flew my baby, hands to head, knees to chest. My husband & I waited with me frantically saying is the baby ok, over & over as the midwives turned the baby towards us to reveal….. we had a handsome little boy. My Ob was there too, congratulating us saying how happy he was for me that after all I’d been through the past few years to be where I was, with two healthy babies.

Early the following morning before his rounds he came to see how I was. He said that when he has days like the day before there the best of days in his job. It was then he asked would I ever write my story & share it. I went very red, lost eye contact & mumbled some response about who’d want to read it.

You have to he said, there’s so many negative stories out there about child birth, nobody shares the good ones.

So here’s my payback to a wonderful man, who was such a support to me during those two wonderful but challenging pregnancies. Dr D, thanks a million, I couldn’t have done it without you & you’d never know I may be back to you yet😉.