Which Is The ‘Correct’ Card To Choose For My 10-Year-Old Son?

Last week i stood in Easons beside the card section, trying to choose a card for my son.

In my hand was one I had already chosen that had “Happy Birthday, Son” written on the front of it and something sentimental that Iliked on the inside. However, I was still looking, because Ithen thought, well it doesn’t have “10” written on the front of it.

Here’s how my thought process went:

‘He will probably be disappointed if he gets no card with 10 on it. I wonder is there one with a badge. He might prefer a badge. I do like to get him one with “son” on it though, as that’s special from me and he will have it when he is older. Probably doesn’t matter really. Its about what he wants. I will get him one with 10. But then someone else will probably get him one with 10 on it, and having one with “son” on it is better from me. The one with son on it has a monkey and bananas on it too, he will like that, it’s funny. How long have i been standing here. This is ridiculous. No child cares about the card. I’ll have no time to do anything else up here if I don’t go. Just pick a card.’

Why do i make such a big deal about everything? What the fuck am i doing with my life?

Now that’s all obviously in a matter of a minute but that is a glimpse inside the mind of an over thinker.

If you are one yourself you will be nodding saying “ahhhh yes i hear ya”. If you are not one, then count yourself lucky.

My first memory or perhaps the first time I released I was an over thinker was actually when I was very little. I completely freaked out because I realized I couldn’t switch my brain off. I remember sitting on my bed and thinking to myself “ok stop thinking. I’m still thinking. Stop thinking. But now I’m thinking about stopping thinking. Stop. I can’t ever stop thinking. Oh, my god, I am stuck inside my own brain.”

I had a complete melt down.

Ok, so its not a daily struggle,as when you are an over thinker it just becomes part of you. You get used to it on a daily basis. However when it comes to making decisions or issues to be resolved , that’s when you get yourself in a pickle. It takes AGES to resolve it because you have to over think the shit out of it before you do what you knew you were going to do from the very start.

Typical responses I get from people when i do my over thinking out loud are:

Kate, I really don’t think they are going to think that much about it.

Kate, I really don’t think anyone cares that much.

Kate, I really don’t think anyone will notice.

Kate, I really don’t think they will have give it THAT much thought.

Kate, I think you’re over thinking this a bit.

None of these responses are helpful at all and usually just make me want to stick a fork in their eyes. ( as well as being an over thinker Iam also quite aggressive). Don’t worry i do have friends, i grow on you with time.

Now can you imagine applying this to being a parent. Pause and process. …

Yes you are correct, its a ruddy nightmare.

I get into bed at night and…..BAM..I don’t think I fed him enough good food today, our whole diet is shit actually, I need to cook more healthy stuff more often, I think i shouted too much today, that will effect him as he is older, I wonder will he be really angry when he grows up because I shouted at him today, he heard me cursing yesterday, that’s not on, I have scarred im, he will have no future, he will just walk around cursing now all the time and it’s cause I raised him like this, I am going to spend more time with the kids tomorrow, I wont do any work at all and I’ll just play, I should live my life like that all time, why don’t I, I could die tomorrow, oh, god, I hate the way we will all die one day, what would happen if I did, or worse if they did, I am going to build that Millennium Falcon Lego thing with him tomorrow, I need a night out with my husband too , jesus we should all probably go on holidays, wonder if there are any deals, probably cant afford it now though, wish I was rich, I should be grateful though, but imagine being so rich omg that would be amazing, what would I buy, I’m so tired, I better go to sleep.

(pause)

Spain would be nice. sigh………

Welcome to my world, peeps. It sure is swell time.

How do over thinkers survive? What can we do? Well just make all your thoughts positive ones and go from there. It’s ok to think ALL the time. Just think good stuff. Easy? Not so much but if you practice it can help and does get easier.

Also technically it just means we are over caring because we give everything extra thought. Think about that….

By Kate Thorburn

Originally published at katethorburn1.wordpress.com on July 28, 2016.