A Bond Made to Last

56 years.

More than half a century.

That is how long Beverly and John Armstrong have been married.

For most, being with someone intimately for three years is considered a long-term relationship; however, for John and Beverly, that is just a mere glimpse into their overall time together.

It all started in sixth grade. Beverly would often “chase [John] around the playground,” playfully teasing him as a way of flirting.

Throughout the next six years, going to the same schools, they remained friends; however, their relationship began to develop into something a little more intimate during their senior year of high school.

At the beginning of senior year, John began to drive Beverly to school, always walking up to her door and ringing the bell to tell her that he was there — instead of honking his car horn — in an effort to be kind. During these car rides, he got to know her a little more, learned what she liked, what she was in to, and they got to grow their already close relationship.

Nearing the end of their senior year, both freshly out of relationships, Beverly friendly asked John to set her up with someone. After some thought, John thought to himself, “well, dummy, why not you,” and so he went and asked her out.

Being the kind, shy, gentleman that he is, John took my Beverly on four dates before he finally kissed her. Throughout these dates of ice cream, movies, and simplistic love, they both gained a deeper understanding of each other, a mutual respect of one another. On the fourth date, both getting anxious to kiss one another, John laid one on her. Like in fairy tales, Beverly heard, “bells ring in her ears, and that was the moment [she] knew [she] loved him.”

“And soon after that, we were married; I was 18, and she was 19,” said John. See, back in their time [enter date here], it was not too rare to be married at that age if you thought it was the right decision, and they both did. Carrying their love through college and beyond, they learned how to lean upon one another for help and guidance. “We kind of work together perfectly in a sense because I love to spend [money] while she loves to save,” John jokingly added. A part of the motivation to save money was due to both of their parents saying that they could not turn to them for financial help, so, in a way, they had a ”commitment to stay together and survive.” And, so, even in the leanest of months, they never gave up on each other. They persevered. “We never had an incredible amount of funds, but we made due,” John added.

This was especially important when they had kids. John and Beverly, being the creative duo they are, would “take the kids out camping or exchange soda cans for money and buy ice cream for fun.” Having to be resourceful with how they lived allowed them to still have fun with the family despite having little money — it just took some imagination.

Although they loved to have fun, while raising the kids, they would constantly compromise — both letting each have the same say in the parenting of their two daughters. It was with “respect and teamwork” while teaching their kids that further deepened their relationship and connection. When a disagreement on parenting arose, they would “go behind closed doors and talk it over because [they] never wanted to have the girls see them fighting; [they] wanted to have them see that [they] were united.” And it was this sense of being “united” that allowed them to raise their daughters even through the toughest of their teenage years.

However, the most defining part for Beverly and John, the part that helped them the most, is their deep connection in religion. “When we took our vows [in the Catholic church], we believed it the vows [till death do you part]. We may have wanted to separate at times, but we kept the faith.” Beverly said. With God being the glue to their relationship, their bond became stronger than ever. Beverly added that even though “the tough times, we would reflect back on those vows that we took, and know that this was just God testing us; testing if we really valued those vows, which we did.” “And 56 years later, we still are reading Bible verses and reflecting on what God gave us,” John added. With John and Beverly working together via a bond of god to fight any challenge thrown their way, they only became stronger. “I truly believe that we are soul mates,” Beverly added. “A oneness in God together. We both have the same spiritual direction, and spiritual love, and feelings inside — the same, and it’s from the holy spirit … He’s the glue — the holy spirit,” she continued. And glue them together it did, as they would constantly look to the Lord for guidance, which embedded their marriage in their seemingly unbreakable faith in God.

When speaking with Susanne Maxwell, one of John and Beverly’s daughters and my mom, about what it was like growing up with them, she added: “we would always start off the morning with bible verses, and say grace before we ate. I never thought much about it; it just was something we always did.” For John and Beverly, they both agreed that their belief in religion was important to include in parenting — passing down their beliefs and faith in God; additionally, they would “try to teach [their daughters] how to behave and deal with life by example,” Susanne added. “They were very strict on me — made sure I completed my work before I went out and I had a harsh curfew for when I had to be home by, but all of this taught me how to be disciplined and hardworking person, and, once I finished my work, I also would have a lot of fun, but all within reason. That was the big theme: ‘reason.’ Everything is good but within ration, so that is what we would do; ice cream every once and a while and simple treats like that to brighten up the days or weeks. We did not live a lavish life at all, but it did not matter; we made it work.”

Today, John and Beverly’s love “is not the same puppy love that was there at the beginning of [their] relationship.” Instead, “It has matured.” John adds that “[their love] has a lot more respect, maturity, and tolerance embedded in it.” Because John and Beverly have rooted their relationship in their religious faith and have mutual respect and flexibility for one another, they have built a strong, stable base for their relationship, which has enabled them to move past obstacles and focus more on enjoying each other’s company. This adds to the fact that after 56 years, John still says: “there is not another person who I would have liked to spend my years with, and I mean that.”