Growing Up at Marin Academy
Canadian professor Jean Vanier once said, “One of the marvelous things about community is that it enables us to welcome and help people in a way we couldn’t as individuals.” For every person, there is a moment in time or an experience that shapes their identity. In many cases, this is when we “grow up.” Throughout my conversation with Travis Brownley, Kate Luehrsen, and Meena Zamil, I realized that growing up and identifying the way we learn about ourselves is very dependent on our community, especially here at Marin Academy.
Travis Brownley can be characterized by one word: wise. She embodies the mantra of being a constant learner and always growing upon yourself. “I think I’m still growing up,” is something that resonated with me strongly. Coming from a woman with such poise and respect from our community, it was surprising to hear. I have always seen growing up as something that is done when we are young adults, a step we have to complete. In reality, we are always evolving. Even grown adults still make mistakes, but it is more about how you react to them and learn in the future. “Evolution is important; our character and our view of the world is not fixed in marble,” she told me. If we make a certain decision about something, and it ends up being wrong, we can always emerge a better version of ourselves. We have the chance to re-evaluate our lives and observe how our beliefs and priorities change over time. Even in my four years at Marin Academy, my personal beliefs have already shifted, displaying how much we can change in a short amount of time. I believe this is attributed to both the community standards and the passions, as well as interests; our teachers have in our success.
While interviewing Travis, she revealed to me a bit about her coming out story. She described coming out as gay as “Really challenging because at that time, people perceived gay people as being, you know, twisted.” As we get older, we are able to find out more about ourselves. While Travis knew that she was gay for the majority of her life, growing older allowed her to express that part of herself to the community. We make mistakes such as concealing our true selves or trying to fit in, but part of growing up is being able to learn from those experiences. Although that may seem like an ideal thing to do, being yourself in a community that is not so accepting can be hard. Travis also said that “There were jobs that you would never get,” solely for being gay. “I could not reconcile those sides because I knew I wasn’t a bad person.” I can’t imagine what it must have been like to struggle to be yourself and miss out on opportunities because of it. It must have been hard for Travis to reconcile, knowing that she is a deserving person, but not being told so by society. Here in Marin, we are mainly surrounded by very accepting people. A lot of the world is sadly not like this. Attending Marin Academy, I am glad I have been exposed to this idea of acceptance, as it is an essential part of how we should approach the world.
“This is who I was. And I had been told my whole life that it is important to have integrity and stand up for who you were.” Integrity. The definition of having integrity is, to be honest, and have strong moral principles. If we go through our whole lives filled with regret about things we did in the past or who we were, we cannot stand up for who we are today. Regret and being our true selves go hand-in-hand.
We all have to make many life-altering choices, such as choosing our own path in the world. While for Travis, this was coming out, for others, it can be changing schools or occupations. I spoke to Meena Zamil and Kate Luehrsen, both transfers into the Marin Academy community. I was pleasantly surprised to hear that coming to MA has been one of the best decisions in their lives. When such a big decision, self-advocacy was essential. Meena told me, “The decision to transfer was completely my own.” Not only being able to know what she wanted in education but being able to take action is very mature. Immersing themselves into the MA community with such confidence exhibits qualities of self-advocacy and perseverance.
“You truly make a fool out of yourself when trying too hard, and usually, it just gets you nowhere,” Kate told me when asked about her experience trying to fit in at MA. When she entered during her sophomore year, it was hard to adjust to the new classrooms, new teachers, and new friends. She told me that she “definitely said things, wore things, did things in order to fit in with the people I thought I only wanted to be friends with.” I believe that being able to recognize this is important. As teenagers, we are always trying to fit in. But rather, as her time here at MA progressed, she was able to become more comfortable just being herself, rather than who she thought others wanted her to be. Every time I talk to Kate, I feel that she embodies a strong sense of self. I would have never guessed she felt like she had to try to be someone else, as she naturally seems confident with herself. Talking to her opened my eyes to the regret one can feel about trying to fit in.
It is interesting to think about how the place we grew up in or spend the majority of our time in shapes our identity. For Meena, transferring to MA made her happier because of the accepting community we have, as well as the academic rigor. I can imagine that being surrounded by equally motivated students would increase one’s own drive to work hard. “The community has made me more confident in myself,” Meena said. Part of being confident is being confident in your actions, being confident in your ability to move on from past mistakes and to learn from them. There is a thin line between holding onto your mistakes too tightly and having no interest in gaining knowledge from them. “Honestly, everything I do feels like a mistake at first, but even if it ends up being a mistake, I can always learn from it,” Meena told me passionately. While we may never enjoy making mistakes, they are important for us because they allow us to evolve ourselves and become better people. Perfectionism is unachievable. I think that MA as a community has helped foster the notion that we are always learning from our mistakes and don’t have to be impeccable at everything we do.
Another integral aspect of the MA community is the wide-spread openness that the students and faculty uphold. It is obvious from my conversations with Meena and Kate that they feel the same, and that served as the main basis for their decisions to transfer to Marin Academy. Both Kate and Meena spoke to the difference in the community between MA and their previous high schools, “MA really does foster this wonderful, eager and supportive community,” and “MA is the most supporting, loving, kind, open, accepting, any-positive-adjective school.”
“In some ways, I didn’t know a part of who I was,” Travis expressed to me about her identity as a young woman. Something that is so evident about Marin Academy is a community of inclusion, support, and consideration that the students feel. I believe that the environment of inclusion that Travis, as the Head of School, cultivates, allows students to be able to be true to themselves. No matter our academic interests, race, socio-economic status, or sexual orientation, students here feel heard.
The Marin Academy community helps its students evolve into better citizens by fostering a community of inclusion and curiosity. While we never do fully grow up or stop making mistakes, MA provides us with many of the essential tools to get there someday.
