Static Wanderer
Jerry Breen, besides his touch of a southern accent, is your average middle-aged San Franciscan. This is one of the first and only things I noticed about him; I decided that I must refrain from judgment as I am about to question an absolute stranger excessive, prodding questions about one of the most personal aspects of everyone’s life. Apparently, Unity Church does not require a uniform, a stark contrast to the Catholic priest commonly dressed in all modest black. Perhaps this lack of uniformity encourages personal expression among its followers and church-goers. Unity Spirituality Center’s website even addresses this on their website by stating, “We do not have a dress code and encourage comfortable attire.”
I start by asking him about his religious background when it seems more appropriate to be asking what his favorite color is. Blue, I assume, from the color of his button-down shirt. Jerry is from Pennsylvania. “Northeastern Pennsylvania near the corner where New York, New Jersey, and Pennsylvania connect.” He says, “I grew up in the Methodist church and switched to the Presbyterian when I was in high school … it was a family decision, and there was a problem in the Methodist church. We lived way out in the country. The closest church was this little Methodist church, and there was a problem in the congregation where people were fighting.”
The voice drops out for the last part of this sentence as if to dismiss the issue, but I am intrigued: “It was about the youth group and something they had done. People got all upset. I don’t really remember too much about it, but we stopped going probably about ninth or 10th grade.”
Disappointed, I allow him to dismiss this issue and ask if he associated more closely with the church or with the denominations themselves. He guesses he “did not know about denominations at that point.”
I am surprised to learn that Jerry, who is a minister at both Unity Spirituality Center and Christian Church Disciples of Christ, did not necessarily consider religion to be a significant aspect of his early life. However, he is quick to differentiate the two denominations: “They’re so similar.” He takes a short pause and rests his chin in his palm as he looks down: “It wasn’t a hardship, and there was some time when we didn’t go to church. And then, my mother and I started to go to the Presbyterian church because she grew up Presbyterian. But we had to go into town for that.”
Jerry always believed in a higher power, even when switching denominations and
staying active in Church during what he calls “the doubt period.” His path to spirituality was undoubtedly an interesting one as well: “When I was in seminary many years later, and many years ago, I came out as a gay man and at that time, denominations weren’t dealing with that. You couldn’t be gay and a minister, but I was in a church that affirmed LGBT people. One time in the adult Sunday school class, somebody said, ‘well, as a gay man and a Christian…’ He went on to say something that I don’t remember. But it was the first time I put my sexuality and my spirituality together.”
I find it fascinating that such a simple statement has had such a profound impact on his life and ask him if this experience is what brought him to Unity, a very inclusive spiritual organization. He takes the opportunity to explain that he is ordained in two churches.
In response to my asking what drew him to Christian Church Disciples of Christ, he tells me that he is ordained in the Disciples and that there is only one Disciples Church in town. I wonder what propels him to dedicate his life to work in these two organizations because it did not seem to be the result of an epiphany or the desire to prove anything to his God. Jerry struggled with numerous internal and external conflicts in balancing his spirituality and sexuality.
“I really had to struggle with whether I was going to be out or whether I was going to stay in the closet in order to be ordained. It didn’t happen in the Presbyterian church. I switched denominations in order to get ordained.”
Ordination was essential to Jerry, but I could not pinpoint what brought him to Unity specifically. “[People] think we’re an odd group sometimes. And the unity church was born in the late 1800s. It was started by a husband and a wife, Charles and Mildred Fillmore. Mildred had this experience where she was sick, and she was healed through prayer. And so, prayer is an important part of Unity. You have the power to heal and to do whatever you need to do within yourself because God lives in each of us. Unity today is very open to different expressions of faith.”
He continues to tell me that Unity is more about spirituality than religion, and followers must decide for themselves what is true and important to them; “Nobody’s going to tell you what to believe.”
This ideology is in stark contrast to those of the Methodist and Presbyterian churches that Jerry grew up in, and he explains that he was following along during this time, but not thoroughly engaging. “The disciples are much similar to unity in that they don’t have set beliefs. You can believe whatever you want, and you have to decide yourself … So, I found it freeing to move from that very structured sort of denomination to a much less structured denomination.”
Having left the interview, I reflect on my conversation with Jerry and its lack of substance I was hoping to find. However, I realize that Jerry’s lack of complete devotion to religion is not representative of his dedication to finding his spirituality. Jerry is breaking the boundaries of structured, orthodox religion to find his sense of spirituality that is less about adhering to one denomination and more about finding personal growth and self-acceptance within a church community. Jerry stands as an example of how one can make peace with the fact that his sexuality conflicts with the religion he grew up practicing. He was able to resolve this by finding his place in another community and denomination that is more accepting of his personhood and is thriving in a new environment.
