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For One Minute, I Remembered Why I Used to Drink

And a minute later, I was very glad I don’t anymore

Andy Spears
The Maze
3 min readJan 1, 2025

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Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash

I’m not sure what triggered the memory.

Maybe it was looking out into the backyard of my current house.

Maybe it was the college football playoffs.

But in the middle of a workday, I was suddenly about 10 years old.

In the backyard of my childhood home. With a football.

Alone.

And happy.

Throwing the ball, catching my own passes.

Running.

A game in my head — one in which I’m the star — making the key play.

Or, sometimes, one in which I just missed — and have to live to fight another day.

I can see the kitchen window — the one over the sink. Can see the double window that showed me the kitchen table.

And, in that moment of memory. In that space of time where a man who is almost 50 is 10 again, I felt it.

That feeling.

The feeling of dread I’d have as a 10-year-old boy looking into my house during a game of football in the backyard.

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The Maze
The Maze

Published in The Maze

The Maze is a collection of thoughts, ideas, and musings that bring a sense of purpose or comfort. As we travel through life, let us feel peace and acceptance.

Andy Spears
Andy Spears

Written by Andy Spears

Writer and policy advocate living in Nashville, TN —Public Policy Ph.D. — writes on education policy, consumer affairs, and more . . .

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