How I Manage My Temper Around My Children

I used to be a yeller. Now I’m chill.

Photo by Jan Kopřiva on Unsplash

Sometimes my children are so loud, I have no choice but to be louder. Still, I’m a thousand years beyond where I used to be.

And even though I’m a thousand years ahead of where I used to be, my children still remember me as a yeller. It will take as many years of not yelling to undo the damage from all the years of yelling they endured.

I wouldn’t say I was a bad parent, but a year and a half ago, I wasn’t a good one either. I was unwell and overstressed, and that made for a bad combination. I was often exhausted, which didn’t help matters.

It didn’t help that both my children have gone through phases where I was the target of their physical attacks. I don’t mean minor hitting. I mean severe biting, kicking, and throwing of things. Once, my oldest son gave me a black eye.

I was constantly triggered. To top it all off I was dealing with a volatile ex-husband who was determined to make my life hell after our divorce. To say I was stressed is an understatement. Maintaining any kind of patience was impossible — or so it felt for a time.

I would yell at my children whenever they misbehaved. If it escalated to the point of them hitting me or throwing things, I’d lose my “ever-loving shit.”