It’s official: M&Ms are cannibals who get off on being eaten
M&Ms have a death wish. That’s not me saying that but Mars, the makers of the self-hating chocolate in a candy shell.
I emailed the company’s customer care department to find out why the giant M&Ms, who’ve starred in its advertising since 1995, generally seem so delighted to be eaten.
The response raises more questions than it answers:
“The answer to your question is because they know they taste delicious and want to bring enjoyment to other people.”
So, according to the canonical explanation from the M&Ms’ masters at Mars, the loveable mascots have cannibalistic tendencies and may, in fact, eat themselves.
Then there’s their almost fetishistic joy in being consumed by their human overlords. Mars is essentially suggesting that the M&Ms mascots are into vore, the sexual fetish where devotees desperately want to literally be eaten.
And it’s not like the M&M ads have shied away from weird sexual elements.
First there was Green, the ‘hot’ girl M&M in her go-go boots pole dancing then stripping to her raw chocolate form, then Red whipping off his shell when encountering Ms Brown, the second female face of cannibal candies.
In the latest M&Ms ad running on British TV (and around on American networks since 2015), Red’s human master catches him in bed with his girlfriend, just about to be eaten, while Yellow, presumably a vore voyeur, lurks in the wardrobe.
Beyond the bizarre gratification the M&Ms get from being gobbled up by humans, there’s the theological question: If they’re constantly being crunched to pieces, how do Red, Yellow, Blue, Green and Ms Brown keep returning to our screens.
Is there reincarnation in the M&Ms-verse? And if there is, why is there permanence to their memories?
Do M&Ms souls float between bodies?
Or has Mars being taking us all for mugs and rolling out reprogrammed clones — the confectionary equivalent of the Winter Soldier, forever sacrificing themselves at the alter of chocolate sales.
Take the Mars explanation at face value and what you’re left with is a gang of disturbed chocolate death cultists, throwing themselves eagerly at our gaping maws.
Behind the colourful shells, it’s a dark world for M&Ms. And you thought it was a sweet life, right?
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