They Gave Me a Little Card with Finger Exercises for Carpal Tunnel

Work is best late at night. Just me and the keyboard, nothing and no one else to deal with.

I haven’t been able to spend many nights like this. First there was Dope’s car and his ex-wife. (“It’s just a trial separation”, she told me too many times in the limo up from Miami) And then the VCR broke.

I rode the bike into town and rented a car, and spent the afternoon driving around to pawn shops until I found a refurbed, top-loading Panasonic. Then I took my time perusing a rack clogged with unwanted VHS tapes. I picked out 20 and felt real good for myself. (I was sick of Phil’s movie picks. You try watching The Whole Ten Yards.)

I stowed my pawn booty in the rental’s trunk and headed back out of town. A few streets over from the Hertz, I pulled into a Panera Bread and sat at an outside table eating a salad with too-big croutons. Dope doesn’t bring me enough vegetables. I watched the people walk to and from cars and shops. I hadn’t been around this many people in months.

My review was past deadline by the time I got back to the house. I looked at the box of new stuff and the shelf of old garbage. I couldn’t see movies. All I saw were responsibilities.

I closed my eyes. I ran my fingers over the spines of the VHS boxes. There were a couple clamshell boxes mixed in with the thin cardboard ones. They all had the permanent thin layer of dust movie cases generate after a while. One tape felt lucky. I picked it out of the box and opened my eyes.

The Ghost and Mr. Chicken. Well, okay. That’s what I get for ceremony. Now was time for business.

You know, Don Knotts always seemed really annoying. But having to watch him in this movie I can see he’s got his whole thing figured out. Knotts has this awkward affect — less a man than a neck with ears, with a voice that’s somehow too small and too loud at once — that dominates the scene. Don Knotts must be dealt with.

That’s what Ghost & Mr. Chicken is about. Knotts is a meek typesetter in the basement of the local newspaper. But he’s just got to find a story of his own. He stumbles into a haunted house insurance scam and milks it with that Knotts determination until the town cries uncle.

I laughed a few times at the movie and grinned all throughout. I got a lot done today.