Did We Actually Know Ourselves Better as Kids?
How I learned who I was by wearing heels to school at age 12
I put on my very first pair of heels at the age of 12. They were cheap little things with a small heel (probably around two inches) — but they were mine. For the first time, I did not borrow my mother’s shoes. For the first time, they fit properly. I felt like a star.
What was the occasion, you may ask? Well, I wore them to high school, of course — the one place where teens are absolutely shameless when making fun of one another.
I was teased that day — the boys even tried teaching me how to walk. According to them, I wasn’t supposed to be moving my hips, and my walk should be slightly robotic. “You only need to bend the knees,” they said.
Did I listen? Absolutely not.
Did the teasing stop? Eventually, it did — 3 years later.
As the years went by, it never occurred to me to stop wearing my heels. I loved the feeling that came with stepping into a beautiful pair of shoes, and no amount of criticism would rob me of that joy.
This decision came very naturally to me, and it was only many years later that I realized the two lessons this one situation taught me:
➰People will try to change you if you make them uncomfortable.
➰Staying true to yourself is one of the most difficult paths a person can take, but it’s also the most rewarding.
The campaign against me
After I refused to take my classmates’ advice, the campaign against me started. Daily teasing, name-calling, isolating — the list goes on. You name it, it happened.
Today it is a lot clearer to me that 12-year-old boys at school have difficulty understanding what is going on when one of their classmates embraces her femininity.
However, back then, it was very frustrating to try to comprehend why this was all happening, and my parents’ explanation of “this is their way boys show you that they like you” fell flat.
So I stopped trying to understand what was happening to me and focused on myself. I spent my time writing, doing theatre, and of course, shopping for shoes.
It was finally during the last year of high school that the bullying stopped. Then during graduation, I donned a pair of strappy 4-inch silver stilettos — needless to say, they were very hard to miss, and I felt fantastic.
I remember walking up on that stage to receive my diploma, beaming, and I looked at the room for a second. Staring at the graduating class of 11', I realized that I was closing this chapter of my life with very few friends and many memories I wished to forget.
One thing was clear as day, however — I knew who I was, and I knew where I was headed. That thought alone was all that I needed to be immensely proud of the way I had handled those 05 years.
I accepted my diploma with a massive smile on my face and walked off the stage, ready to jump into my next adventure.
I set my goals in college
My very first college session started in the fall, and although my commute involved a 15-minute uphill hike, that did not deter me from wearing my footwear of choice.
Upon entering the building for the very first time, I had two main goals:
- I wanted this experience to result in my getting admitted into Mcgill’s Bachelor of Commerce
- During my time in college, I will write, direct and produce my very own musical
My focus was solely on my journey, and while working towards my goals, I was unapologetically myself.
By that point, I knew that I was never going to be the girl that everyone adored (and let’s face it — is anyone really that girl?), so I stuck to what I knew best: being myself — the unnaturally optimistic student that got good grades and had an unhealthy obsession with Broadway.
Throughout this experience, I started drawing in a circle of amazing people who enjoyed my presence in part due to my quirks.
One of my favorite stories happened in gym class — I was under the impression that we were only having an introductory meet and greet, so I wore a flared dress and heeled sandals.
They blindfolded us and had us do an obstacle course outdoors. Saying that it was challenging was an understatement.
I met one of my dearest friends during that obstacle course, and to this day, we still laugh about the fact that we started talking as a result of my showing up to gym class while wearing a pair of heels.
Fast-forward to the present
I graduated from McGill University, majored in Accounting, and started working for an incredible tech company over five years ago.
Did I stop wearing my heels after starting my career in an industry known to have a more casual dress code?
I don’t think this question needs to be answered — I believe you already know what I did.
Throughout the many years that have passed since my high school experience, I came to a very powerful realization:
We may not know where we are headed as children, but we do know who we are. As we grow up, our path crystallizes, but many of us start to lose sight of the person that we once thought we were due to the countless pressures coming from our peers to “fit in”.
Instead, we end up adopting our path (our goals) as our persona and allow them to define who we are.
What if we took a moment to remember what we loved as children? What were our passions, our hobbies, our sources of joy? How would we feel if we went back to those roots? How far from those roots are we really today? Do we even know who we are at our core?
In that spirit, I made a list of things that used to make me happy as a child, and while some do belong in the past (my Barbie dolls and I do not really need a playdate anytime soon), others still make me happy to this day.
My heart feels so full when engaging in those activities, as they are a true reflection of who I am. Writing is one of the ways I had always expressed myself, even as a child, and here I am today, typing out this string of words and reminding myself of how joyful it makes me feel.
To conclude
Bringing the story to a full circle, I can say that standing my ground all those years ago led to one of the most difficult periods of my life. However, it also allowed me to never lose sight of who I was, and still am to this day.
As for the bullies? One of them actually asked me out a few weeks ago, and as flattered as I was, my answer was clear. I guess my parents were right after all.
Thank you for reading.
