With the over seven billion human population gracing the world’s stage, none of them looks like you. In terms of your physique and your attributes, nobody is like you. Your fingerprint is proof of that. Yet, you’re always fighting to fit in. Because that’s how society and the world have conditioned us to be — we are social animals, and we must fit with the crowd.
Whenever you find yourself alone or isolated from the group, you feel like something is wrong with you.
This, therefore, causes you to worry and even make conclusions that aren’t true and baseless because you think not being with the mass is wrong, and you’ll do everything in your power to fit into the crowd.
But, have you thought about why with this number of people on the planet, nobody has your fingerprint? Have you thought about why God, the universe, etc., made us all unique, and nobody has the attributes of their fellow? That, even twins are different from each other? Have you for once thought about it?
It’s because we’re all in this world for a reason. Something bigger than ourselves and by each and everyone’s purpose, “The Creator” made us unique. Let’s look at why;
Why it’s a gift to be different
When I was growing up as a child, I never fit into any group of people just like you. Every group that I had the opportunity to be with, I was the odd one. Not because something was wrong with me or I didn’t have what it takes. The people within the group found my thinking and behavior to be away from the norm, or I couldn’t move with the flow.
This action took a toll on my soul and caused a lot of anxiety because I thought I wasn’t good enough. Aside from that, almost everyone scolded me for not fitting in everything society did, which cemented my belief that I wasn’t good enough.
This idea stuck with me for a long time, affecting my self-confidence and self-esteem until one day, I realized that it wasn’t true, and I’m perfect and good enough in my own way, and we all aren’t the same, and every one is unique.
Probably, what happened to me growing is what has been happening to you. You aren’t able to fit into every group setting that you get the opportunity to be in. You’re labeled with tags and names because someone believes you cannot go with the flow. Or your thinking and perception about reality are different. So, they find a way to belittle you, making you think you’re strange and awkward. But that isn’t true.
What’s the truth is that whatever someone has said about you before this day or keeps saying is a reflection of who they are, and nothing is wrong with you. We are unique individuals, uniquely made, and if you don’t fit into someone’s perception of reality, it doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. And whatever theories and stories you’ve made about yourself because of this action are untrue.
“We are all, each and every one, unique in the universe. And that uniqueness is what makes us valuable.” — James A. Owen
Understand your stories are untrue
As Nietzsche puts it, “There are no facts, only interpretations,” you must know that whatever someone has said about you or perhaps you have told yourself due to their actions isn’t true but an interpretation based on perceptions. And this how it happens:
Sometimes, being in a group, because your thinking of the reality may be correct or you’re the smart one than any other member, and they don’t feel comfortable about it, they accuse you of things you have no idea about and peddle false information about you to make you feel inferior and not having any idea about it, you also take it to be accurate, and you go around with your life thinking something is wrong with you.
Belittling and unacceptance of you
This is the biggest one that affected my self-confidence and self-esteem profoundly. It happened at the time when I joined a radio station to start a career in broadcast journalism. It happened as my news editor didn’t have a journalism background but only English.
So I, having a journalism background and always came up with initiatives, the editor felt insecure because I ever came up with ideas and not them, making them belittle my intelligence and make me feel unwelcomed in the group.
I didn’t discover the reason then and always worried about it, stressing myself. It was later that I realized nothing was wrong with me. And it happens in group settings as well when you’re the odd one in terms of smartness and intelligence.
It’s where the members make up their minds to reject and fight against everything that you’ll come up with (especially if it’s about idea generation and execution). The idea behind it is to let you feel inferior about yourself. They do that to kill your spirit and enthusiasm. Not having an idea of it, you take it to be true that you aren’t good and worthy enough, and you carry this inferiority complex with you which ends up destroying your self-confidence and self-esteem.
With this, they do it by talking you out of ideas and initiatives that could help take your life to the next level. It happens by the members of the group’s insecurity and fear of you becoming better than them as they know you are smart, intelligent and, with the little opportunity, you’ll become somebody.
It happened to me during my days in journalism school. A prominent media house deployed me for reportage on one of Ghana’s presidential and parliamentary elections. In the course of the reportage, I met the daughter of the country’s first president, who was aspiring for a parliamentary position.
After giving her coverage and the woman becoming impressed about how I conducted the interview, she gave me her cellphone number to be in touch after the polls. Fast forward after everything was over and informing someone about it, they talked me out of it, with the idea that since controversies marred with the polls, the woman will ask me stuff about it. If I’m not able to give detailed information, I will be in trouble.
But that wasn’t the case. They knew very well something good would come out of my connection with the woman. Being naive and stupid then, I didn’t call the woman. And what could be an opportunity to rise to somewhere in life was lost.
Have you seen how they manipulated and talked me out of a chance? This is how they do it. That, when you realize it later, you beat yourself up and think you’re stupid and aren’t smart, and you carry that mindset with you sabotaging your moves in life, sometimes.
So now that you’ve discovered these, how do you break free from this pattern, accept the fact that it’s a blessing to be different in a group, and be in control of your life?
As there’s no way one can address and solve a problem without first of all accepting it, you can’t break free from this limiting belief without acknowledging it. Therefore, it would require you to admit that it’s always alright to be different from everyone and everybody in group settings or wherever you are.
We are made uniquely different from everyone. So, not being accepted in a group or among your peers, family, or community isn’t a crime. It’s perfectly alright.
That, as nobody is like you and you also aren’t like anyone, it alright to be different. If the group you find yourself in doesn’t accept your uniqueness, it’s alright, and that’s their problem and not yours.
Only what you make of yourself and not what others think of you. Neil Donald Walsch puts it well; “Instead of thinking of what others make of you, think of what you make of yourself.”
Through following your bliss
This is the greatest of all to break free of this pattern. It’s whereby you engage only in things that make you happy and bring you fulfillment.
Suppose you always do what makes you happy and satisfied and not what people say or tell you to do, I don’t think there will be room to worry whether someone accepts you in their group or not.
You don’t rely on anyone for your happiness but yours. So, what will be the issue here? None!
As we’ve been trained to think and behave, being in a group setting feels great because you always think you’re doing something right. And that’s perfectly fine if you’re ever in one as we’re social animals.
But, in a situation where you’re looked upon and treated as an outcast when you aren’t, due to your uniqueness is toxic. You don’t want to find yourself in such a position. If you have to be in a group, always be with people who understand the concept of human uniqueness, make a big deal of it, and bring the best in you. And if by your individuality you don’t get accepted in any group, that’s alright. It doesn’t mean something is wrong with you.
It merely means you’re powerful than the rest of the members, and you must accept that fact, move on and be yourself.
Being without a group or not being accepted in a group isn’t wrong. It’s a blessing. Accept it.
Thank you for reading.
If you want to read more of my writings, you may read the following articles published in The Masterpiece.