SOME DAYS, I FEEL DRY
On some days, I am pumped up and full of energy to conquer the world with my words.
I bustle with life as I go over my dreams again, draft lofty plans and borrow the excitement from their imagined fulfilment.
I write book titles, book outlines, courses and workbooks for my writing consultancy and with hope in my heart, I seal them all with prayers.
On such days, I feel like superman.
On other days, I feel like a campfire suddenly doused with water; my flames, heat and embers disappear all at once.
My dreams begin to look like a silly girl’s wishes and those lofty plans like a joke.
I think about how hard I work and how little life rewards me.
I think about the hours spent to draft those new posts and how everyone strolls past, ignoring me.
I look at the courses I’m taking just to gain knowledge and multiple perspective on a subject that I know people need to learn, and how no one pays heed to me when I talk about them.
I count the hours without sleep, without food and friends, hours spent drafting plans and writing books.
They all seem like a waste; it feels much better to throw all those dreams away and drown in weariness.
Make no mistake people, the weariness comes at me on some days and I’m unable to fight back. Those are the days my juice jar is empty and I sink in negative emotions.
Hopelessness
Rejection
Doubt
Self-criticism.
And the host of voices that whisper on such dry days and how easy it is to listen to them.
On such days, some wonderful and unexpected things happen.
In retrospect, I see God reaching out to me in the most unusual ways. They may not be the way I expect, (I mean I wouldn’t mind waking up to see that I’ve gone viral, my books are all finished and are best sellers, and I have a lot of entries into my writing workshops), but they are the best ways to get me out of that negative rut.
Someone who I helped through a tough time comes back to tell me how well she’s doing and how grateful she is.
A friend sends me a message to appreciate that post you put up last week and how it motivated her.
A stranger tells me how he’s been watching me and that my words will change the world (like he reads my dreams back to me, huh?)
My mum shares all my posts and tells me what a great job I’m doing.
Then as though they lit a match, I have a small ember burning in my heart again.
I remember all those dreams and I find the strength to carry on planning, writing, and dreaming.
I look towards the small circle I’ve impacted with my knowledge and that just gives me a glimpse of what I’ll do in larger circles.
And I’m back to being superman.
I know this resonated with you because you’ve had your own days of dryness and emptiness.
Maybe this is God’s way of bringing you light.
I tell you, as one who goes through those motions occasionally, It’s going to be okay.
What you feel is not the reality.
As long as you keep on dreaming and working, you’ll achieve all that is in your heart.
In the meantime, you have the strength of relationships, hope, faith and God’s presence in your heart.
I Know that you’ll win.
P. S. Have you had times like this, share your stories with me.
Send a mail to ellioraquills@gmail.com
I am Faith Elliora Efe-Oviahon. I write and learn so that I can make it easier for you.
I help writers and nonwriters master the written word to achieve their career goals.
Feel free to reach out to me at ellioraquills@gmail.com
