What I got from: Don’t believe everything you think
Don’t believe everything you Think is a practical guide to managing anxiety and stress.It is written by Joseph Nguyen.
Don’t believe everything you think is a book to help you discover the root cause of all psychological and emotional suffering, as well as how to achieve mental freedom to effortlessly create the abundant life you’ve always desired to live.
This article is a part of a book review series (what I got from). Always remember to use this article as motivation to read the full book and not as a replacement for the book. This is just a part of the book, and it is nearly impossible to put all the learnings from a 100-page book into 1000 to 2000 words. Please read the entire book (obviously, you can skip the boring parts) to get the full picture.
Here are the five principles I’d want to convey to my readers:
Thoughts vs. Thinking
“Stop thinking and end your problems.” Lao Tzu
One thing that I appreciate about this book is that it has lots of quotes on each topic, and some of them are so practical that you can relate to them.
“Thinking” is the act of thinking about our thoughts. This takes a significant amount of energy, effort, and willpower (which is a finite resource). Thinking is actively engaging with the thoughts in your mind. You don’t have to engage with each thought in your mind, but when you do, that is thinking.
“Thoughts” are the energetic, mental raw materials that we use to create everything in the world. We can’t experience anything without thought. It’s important to know that thoughts are a noun and aren’t something that we do, but something we have. A thought takes no effort or force on our end, and it is something that just happens. We also cannot control what thoughts pop into our minds. Technically, thoughts coming up in your brain is a natural process, and you cannot even stop that. If you do so, then you will not be able to feel anything. But thinking is an energy-intensive task that saps a lot of your time and energy. Positive thoughts, or thoughts that feel good, are not a result of thinking. They are, instead, generated by our natural states of peace, love, and joy. They are a byproduct of a state of being, not a state of thinking.
Why is thinking the root cause?
“One who looks around him is intelligent; one who looks within him is wise.” Matshona Dhliwayo
If you survey 100 different people and ask each of them what they think of our current president, how many different answers do you think you’ll get?
Even though it is the same person we’re talking about, we will get 100 different answers because most people live in their thoughts and perceptions of the world. The meaning (or thinking) we assign to an event determines how we feel about it in the end.
That meaning or thinking is the filter through which we see life from then on; because of this, we live through a perception of reality, not in reality itself. The reality is that the event occurred without any meaning, thought, or interpretation. Our feelings do not come from external events but from our own thinking about the events.
For a long time, I believed that thinking could not make you suffer; it was the negative thoughts that made anyone suffer. All this changed when I read a story in this book, “A Young Monk and the Empty Boat.”
A long time ago, a young Zen monk was living in a small monastery that was located in a forest near a small lake. The monastery was occupied by a few senior monks, while the rest were newcomers and still had much to learn. The monks had many obligations in the monastery, but one of the most important was their daily routine, where they had to sit down, close their eyes, and meditate in silence for hours at a time. After the young monk reported his progress, or better said, lack thereof, to his mentor, the elder monk asked the young monk a simple question that had a hidden lesson: “Do you know what is making you angry?” The young monk replied, “Well, usually as soon as I close my eyes and begin to meditate, someone is moving around, and I can’t focus.” I get agitated that someone is disturbing me even though they know that I’m meditating. How can they not be more considerate? And then, when I close my eyes again and try to focus, a cat or a small animal might brush past and disturb me again. By this point, even when the wind blows and the tree branches make noise, I get angry. “If that is not enough, the birds keep on chirping, and I can’t seem to find any peace in this place.” The elder monk simply pointed out to his pupil, “I see that you become angrier with each interruption you encounter.” This is exactly the opposite of the point of your task when meditating. “You should find a way not to get angry with people, animals, or anything else around you that disturbs you during your task.” After their consultation, the young monk went out of the monastery and looked around to find a place that would be quieter so that he could meditate peacefully. He found such a place on the shore of the lake that is nearby. He brought his mat, sat down, and started meditating. But soon a flock of birds splashed down in the lake near where the monk was meditating. Hearing their noise, the monk opened his eyes to see what was going on. Although the bank of the lake was quieter than the monastery, there were still things that would disturb his peace, and he again got angry. Even though he didn’t find the peace he was looking for, he kept returning to the lake.
Then one day, the monk saw a boat tied at the end of a small pier. And right then an idea hit him: “Why don’t I take the boat, row it down to the middle of the lake, and meditate there?” “In the middle of the lake, there will be nothing to disturb me!” He rowed the boat to the middle of the lake and started meditating. As he had expected, there was nothing in the middle of the lake to disturb him, and he was able to meditate the whole day. At the end of the day, he returned to the monastery. This continued for a couple of days, and the monk was thrilled that he had finally found a place to meditate in peace. He hadn’t felt angry and could calmly continue the meditation practice.
On the third day, the monk sat in the boat, rowed to the middle of the lake, and started meditating again. A few minutes later, he heard some splashing of water and felt that the boat was rocking. He started getting upset that even in the middle of the lake, someone or something was disturbing him. When he opened his eyes, he saw a boat heading straight towards him. He shouted, “Steer your boat away, or else you will hit my boat.” But the other boat kept coming straight at him and was just a few feet away. He yelled again, but nothing changed, and so the incoming boat hit the monk’s boat. Now he was furious. He screamed, “Who are you, and why have you hit my boat in the middle of this vast lake?” There was no answer. This made the young monk even angrier. He stood up to see who was in the other boat, and to his surprise, he found that there was no one in it. At that moment, he remembered his mentors’ question, “Do you know what is making you angry?” And then I wondered, “It’s not other people, situations, or circumstances.” My rage is directed not at the empty boat, but at my reaction to it.All the people or situations that make me upset and angry are just like an empty boat. “They don’t have the power to make me angry without my reaction.”
Why do we even think?
“I think and think and think; I’ve thought myself out of happiness one million times, but never once into it.” Jonathan Safran Foer
None of this is in any way incorrect.The mind is simply doing what it was designed to do. When we don’t understand that its only duty is to help us survive, then we will get angry and frustrated with it. All conflict is derived from an innocent misunderstanding. Our mind has to keep us alive. Our consciousness has to help us feel fulfilled. Your soul is the reason why you’re even on this journey in the first place — to find peace, love, and joy for yourself.
Your mind has done an amazing job at what it was made to do, but now you may relieve it of its job because we no longer live in the wild, where death could be right around the corner in a bush. If we keep using our minds, we will constantly stay in a state of fight or flight, experiencing anxiety, fear, frustration, depression, anger, resentment, and all other negative emotions because the mind thinks everything is a threat to our very existence. If you want to be free, happy, peaceful, and full of love, then you will need to let go of listening only to your mind and go beyond it by tuning into something much greater that will help you not just survive but thrive.
If we stopped to think, what would happen to our dreams and goals?
“There are no limitations to the mind except those we acknowledge.” Napoleon Hill
The author wrote the exact or very similar questions and knows what thoughts you most likely have right now. The author says, “I am human too, contrary to popular belief.” All of us are going through similar journeys of awakening to our true selves, so rest assured that many people are having the same thoughts you are having right now as you come to see your true magnificence. We would have to give it all up and become monks in the middle of the mountains, but actually, it is not like that. I am not ready to do that.
As much as I wish I were that enlightened and detached from my life, I genuinely enjoy being in the world and experiencing the fullness of life with other people, even if a large portion of my life is filled with suffering. Goals, dreams, and ambitions are not good or bad, so it’s not an either-or situation, but more about where those goals are coming from.
There are two sources of goals: goals created out of inspiration and goals created out of desperation.
When goals are created out of desperation, we feel a large sense of scarcity and urgency. It feels heavy, like a burden; we may even feel daunted by the colossal task we’ve just committed ourselves to; imposter syndrome and self-doubt begin to manifest; and we always feel like we never have enough time for anything. We go about our lives frantically, desperately searching for answers and ways that we can accomplish our goals faster, always looking externally, never feeling like we have enough or that we can ever get enough. Worst of all, if we happen to accomplish our goal, within a few hours or days afterwards, all of those same feelings of lack begin to resurface. When we create goals out of inspiration versus desperation, it is a completely different story. In this state, we are creating because we feel deeply moved, inspired, and expansive. It feels more like a calling than an obligation. It’s as if there’s a powerful force of life within us that wants to be expressed through us and manifested in the physical world.This is why painters paint, why dancers dance, why writers write, and why singers sing, even if they never get paid or make a living from it. We feel pulled by a force to create something. We gravitate towards it. We feel compelled to do it. When we feel like this, we are creating from a place of abundance instead of lack.
How do you know what to do without thinking?
Know that you already know, and if you don’t,
know that you can learn what you need to know.
When we make decisions, we want to rely on intuition. When we try to think, analyze, create pros and cons lists, and ask everyone (including our pets) for advice, it causes anxiety and frustration until we make the decision. Most of the time, we already know deep down what to do in any specific situation. This is often referred to as your gut feeling, intuition, or inner wisdom. What we do is try to confirm our intuition with the external world, and this is where most of the negative emotions begin to surface, wreaking havoc on our mental state because of everyone’s opinions. Only you know what you want to do. No one else can tell you this. There will be mentors and coaches that can guide you and help you along the way, but the best ones will tell you to listen to your intuition and look within yourself for the answer (the truth is only ever within you). This is why many of us experience the phenomenon of regret when we knew deep down what we should have done based on our gut feeling, but we ignored it and listened to someone else’s advice or opinion.
Society will seldom confirm our intuition until it’s mainstreamed already. For this reason, if you try to look outside of yourself for confirmation of what you know to be true for you, you’ll almost always get backlash and differing opinions on what next steps you should take. Avoid looking externally for answers. Follow your gut instinct, your inner wisdom, and the universe/God.When you do this, you will begin to see miracles occur in your life that you never could have expected or even dreamed of. Those who have the faith and courage to do this will discover the true joy, peace, and love they have been looking for while enjoying the miracle of life.
“Whether you think that you can or can’t, you’re right.” Henry Ford
