What I Talk About When I Talk About Walking
How walking brought forth two of the most important revelations in my life
I’ve always enjoyed the act of walking. This meditative and straightforward act has brought me more clarity in mind and spirit than anything else throughout the years.
Back when I was a student, I would aimlessly walk around the city during nighttime to relieve some of the stress I’d face. Whenever I had to do an important assignment — I would drop whatever I was doing and go for a long walk. After that, whatever I was faced with felt a little bit lighter, a little less grim.
Of all the thousands and yet thousands of walking sessions I have undertaken, there are two that stand out as particularly important for me. And as it so happens, they occurred at two different places in the world:
Osaka and New York.
Osaka, Japan (December 2015)
The first time I felt a powerful revelation from walking was during my exchange semester in Japan. Ever since I was young, one of my biggest dreams was living in Japan for one year. When I entered university, I made sure that there were possibilities of doing an exchange year in Japan. I almost cared more for that possibility than the program itself. And eventually, an opportunity arose to study in Kyoto. I took it, and soon I was on my way.
In December 2015, I had been in Japan for half a year. I was living my dream, learning to speak Japanese and engrossing myself in the culture, meeting amazing people from all over the world, yet I felt empty. There were two big reasons for this: I was in a relationship I didn’t want to be in, and also, I was in the middle of living my dream. Everything I had strived and achieved had been meticulously planned in preparation for my exchange year — and now it was almost over.
One week before Christmas, I made plans with my friend Joshua to visit Osaka. We didn’t have anything planned except to stroll around the city — to eat and drink as we saw fit. I jokingly said that we should just walk around the entire night and take the first train home. Surprisingly, he was on board with that idea.
At 6 PM, we took the train to Osaka and started exploring the city. Close to Christmas time, Osaka was embellished in spectacular colors: red, white, and gold. Christmas lights and Christmas carols in every shop on every corner. We took it all in as we walked around the city, and as the evening turned to night, fewer and fewer people were seen on the streets.
All this time, Joshua and I had been discussing one interesting subject after another. In the early morning hours, we had started to run out of topics to discuss. And in the middle of the night, some of the hollowness I had been feeling started to well up.
Without any further distractions, I started to get confronted with the thoughts I had been trying to escape from. At times it felt overwhelming, but each step seemed to bring clarity to my inner turmoil of unprocessed thoughts. It was like a cleansing process where I confronted this black mass of unprocessed thoughts and unraveled it little by little. At times I would ask Joshua for advice. During other periods of that night, I’d just think things through properly, something I had avoided doing for a long time.
At 5 AM, we had been walking around for twelve hours and were now waiting for the first train home. I was utterly exhausted and happy to be on my way home. In my blended state of physical exhaustion and sleep deprivation, I noticed that many of the troubles I had brought with me to Osaka, seemed to have left me during the long walk. Where the black mass once was, was now replaced with an inner calm. In the early morning hours, I had somehow found peace.
When I woke up the next day, the conclusions I had drawn felt rock solid. I would end my relationship (an action that seemed obvious in hindsight). And regarding all the angst I was feeling halfway through my exchange year— I had started to accept it. I had felt lost by finally achieving my goal; however, I had come to understand on a deep level that it only meant that a chapter was about to close. It was time to write and plan for the next chapter. And that’s what I eventually decided to do. But first, I’d enjoy every moment of the remainder of my exchange year.
New York, USA (August 2019)
The second revelation came after a long summer at a law firm. I was exhausted after weeks of hectic work and was longing for vacation. Once again, the feeling of hollowness started to creep up. Coincidentally, I had also started making plans to visit some friends in the USA and therein my good friend from Japan, Joshua. This would be my first time in New York, and although I was excited — in all honesty, I just needed to get away.
During my two weeks there, I’d start each morning by waking up and grabbing something to eat at the nearest Starbucks. After that, I would accompany Joshua around the city. His job consisted of him needing to take pictures of many different places in New York, and so that seemed perfect for me to see as much of the city as possible. We would start from Brooklyn; we’d take the subway train into Manhattan and then walk up and down to take pictures. On one of those days, we made a brief stop at the Bronx to visit some mutual friends, spend a couple of evenings in Queens, and even make a short stop in Staten Island. On days when Joshua had private matters to attend to— I’d visit Washington Square Park or just walk around the city in whichever direction that appealed to me the most.
Walking around in New York City is exhausting, but even more so in the middle of the summer. However, the physical toll of walking around the city again started to rock the unprocessed sleeping thoughts to life.
This time, I was weighed down by my job. And slowly, in the corner of my mind, I had also started to think about leaving this career path altogether. Obviously, this did not come without immense anxiety and dread. I had been studying law for five years and was only at the beginning of my career — and still, I was starting to question my choice.
As we would walk up and down the streets of New York City, I would vent all the pent-up frustrations I had about the job. How it didn’t feel meaningful, how I felt stuck, and so on. I was so immersed in my complaining that I did not realize that all my complaints went on repeat. Finally, Joshua said (and I am paraphrasing):
“Hey man, I don’t want to tell you what to do or not to do. But maybe while you’re here, you could try and be here in the moment and deal with some of the stuff you’re talking about when you’re back.”
His comment snapped me back to the moment again. I realized that I had spent a reasonable amount of time complaining without coming up with any answers. Consequently, I decided to let go of my complaints and worries for the remainder of my time in New York City. Whenever these thoughts would come up, I would simply observe them as they came and eventually left my mind.
It’s funny how some problems seem more evident after you’ve let them be for a while. I believe that the physical exhaustion of walking invites your subconscious to take over the steering wheel for a time and sort things out.
Evidently, on the plane home, I suddenly remembered my intentions of studying law. As a high school student, I was curious about society. I wanted to know more about the legal framework that allowed institutions to function. Also, I knew that studying law would be a solid foundation even if I later decided to explore other career paths. My intentions back then had never been to settle as a lawyer but had instead been to gain a better understanding of the world.
These intentions had been buried underneath everything else going on. Other peoples’ expectations, ambitions, and purposes had started to drown out my reason to be. Actively processing my thoughts, I had finally cut through all the noise and realized that I was still on the path. On my path.
After I returned home, I felt lighter than I had been in a long time. I knew what I needed to do and the next step to take.
If you’re interested in reading about that, I’ve written about it here.
A Tribute to Walking
I am not entirely sure when I started to enjoy walking as much as I do. Somehow, it has always presented itself whenever I needed it. In times of stress, I would automatically take more walks, and afterward — I’d feel a bit calmer, and my mind would be a bit more at peace.
Taking walks is by no means a secret remedy that solves all your problems. I am pretty sure that there are many other ways of clearing your mind and confronting your inner turmoil. The trick, as I’ve found it, is letting your mind wander in whichever direction it may prefer while you silently observe the thoughts popping up. When surrounded by social media and notifications, we are constantly in a reactive state, never allowed to reach inwards. You’re probably aware of epiphanies you had while doing the dishes or taking a shower. I believe that doing monotonous tasks that disconnects you from your everyday distractions results in these epiphanies. Without a doubt, many of my most profound thoughts and revelations have happened in these tired half-sleep states.
If you’ve read this far — maybe I’ve tingled your interest to start taking more walks regularly. If that is so, I suggest you put on your jogging shoes, grab your headphones, and then decide to walk in a general direction. It doesn’t have to be predetermined; you don’t have to decide to think about anything in particular. Just start walking and observe the things that begin happening inside and around you.
Who knows, maybe you’ll come to some revelations yourself.
Thank you for reading.
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