What Is Codependency, Anyway?
Insights from a survivor
There are so many books, talks, and papers on codependency that it is easy to lose track, especially since there is no one-size-fits-all definition.
Wikipedia says — Codependency is a behavioral condition in a relationship where one person enables another person’s addiction, poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, or under-achievement.
It is common knowledge that codependency somehow occurs in families and relationships with one or several addicts. Very often, the media cites the following as the main characteristic of codependency:
A codependent person only feels strong when the addict is and remains weak. They derive their self-esteem from caring for someone more vulnerable, the addicted partner, parent, or child, and by repeatedly patronizing them from the downward spiral.
The codependent, in this definition, is dependent on the addict’s weakness. But I do not share this opinion.
My observation
We, human beings, are addicted to the familiar and to what we have accepted as normal in our childhood. This observation affects all of us, not only people in relationships with addicts.
We fall in love with personalities who behave the way…
