An Alien’s Quick Guide to Visiting Lagos.
Lagos is beautiful…..No doubt
Maybe you are an unlucky alien, who unfortunately crash into the city of Lagos. As you step or alight on Lagos soil. A soft, harsh breeze will overwhelm you. If you arrive in the morning, beware of the yellow buses with black stripes. You will escape death by them, while being cursed at the same time. If unfortunately you arrive in the evening, a rope of traffic, shredded on a bottle neck of disarray will open your eyes on what you just got into. This is the first crazy side about of the city. No matter how far you go and how close you are, you never really escape it.
The first thing that would keep you in awe about Lagos are not the lagoons... Though they are supposed to. But it’s the populace. Lagos is populated, and this makes it a stress abyss. Most of it. Everybody will be so busy to even notice you are an alien, different from them. You will imagine blowing the heavenly trumpet to get people’s attention, but guess what? Nobody cares. Pedestrians will create dust dense enough to be labelled a sandstorm. Bus drivers will rage at everybody with venomous curses. Ole! Ole! Oloriburukun! Idiot! Will be words you hear a lot... You will be labelled one if you step on the wrong toe, and you definitely will.
Horns will honk like Armageddon is close. You will see humans hanging on buses, yelling a thousand destinations in less than 60 seconds. Don't think they are in danger, they are not. In fact, since the inception of ''climbing buses'', no casualties have recorded.None has fallen. In case you want to board a bus, when you are at the bus stop, you will meet well dressed men and women, who might dress better than you, they will ask you for money to board a bus. Don't overthink the dressing, help them if your conscience allows you... And It probably won't.
When you finally board a bus, know that our buses are not cushioned, and your spine is not safe. Also, if the bus conductor yells Owo! da!, don't give him everything you have in fear, he's not a thief, he just wants your bus fare. Also make sure you pay the exact amount, we don't remind people of change here. If you feel bored and want to start a conversation, the only way your fellow passengers will cooperate is when you talk about how bad the government is.If not, keep mute for your own good.
I mentioned you would step on the wrong toe earlier. You see those sidewalks meant for pedestrians, you will share them here, with commercial cyclists called "Okada". Yes, it’s crazy. You will surely complain when they brush you with their bikes, and you’ve stepped on one. Unfortunately you will get your own dose of rage and insult. You will be in lucid confusion. In this state, make sure you check your pocket from time to time, you are in Oshodi now. Oshodi will look more like beehive than a recognized human circle. There’s a lot of skin to skin human connection here. Skin fluids are exchanged, so I advise you be in your sleeves. Also, don’t ask for directions, keep walking and don’t ever look confused, our bus park Psychologists are watching you. Anywhere the journey takes you is the destination.If you ever feel lost, you might have been sold... That’s Lagos for you.
However, there's more to Lagos, and it's not entirely bad. If you cross the third mainland bridge, you will agree with me. A little trip to the Lagos island will contradict whatever you've experienced so far. Like the movie Elysium, it's a world of it's own. Approaching the island, you will notice the air suddenly taste different. Places like Victoria Island, Ikoyi, Lekki, gives a fair glimpse of silver, lining the dark cloud you witnessed earlier. You might just say "Lagos is beautiful".
The frantic atmosphere of Lagos is not always rough. It's close to being a hell, but it attracts people all over Africa, and to some extent the world. People drop everything in their native home and move to Lagos, why? Because the dream lacing the city is captivating. There's an established market for everything possible. Business, Education, Art and culture. A multi ethnic city which gives you hell and a long taste of heaven. You might be torn between leaving and going house hunting.
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