2017: Living with no regrets.
“Of all the words of mice and men, the saddest are, “It might have been.”
― Kurt Vonnegut Jr.
Conversations can lead to epiphanies sometimes. Even the simplest ones. A few weeks ago when my grandfather was home, we were talking about education and he tells how he wished to be more educated. Although he retired as a reputed civil service officer, he has a regret, buried somewhere at the bottom of his heart.
I am uncertain if it is fortunate or otherwise that I like to live without regrets. I’m impulsive, I do what I want, and I go after whatever I want. Oftentimes signing up for colossal disappointments, heartbreaks, but tremendous lessons. I am greedy about life and my monumental fear of missing out pushes me out of my comfort zone. 2017 has been a rock-solid testament to this. I’ve made the most moronic of decisions, completely aware of the consequences and a few times, not. It’s a year where I have lived without regrets. I have given my best to reading, writing, traveling, loving…and fuck, even when it got to breaking my heart. I’m telling you, never knowing where to draw the line can remind you of your heart’s strength.
The art of creation is a magical process that excruciates you — both physically and mentally. A few months ago, I wrote and published a book which drained me emotionally but improved me as a writer. If agony doesn’t liberate you, I do not know what can. However, like many individuals out there, I’m unsure if I put myself in realms of discomfort to grow as a person or if I’m attached to pain. I’m still exploring, though.
I’ve been incessantly talking about my first solo trip and how I allowed myself to goof up in the writing retreat. I’ve started pushing my boundaries and this, I hope, is the beginning because I don’t intend to look back. I want to do everything that fears me, everything that whispers I’ll fail, and everything that comes with a forbidden label on it. Just like how I said ‘yes’ to every radical adventure.
2017 will hold a piece of my heart. It’s a year of fond mistakes and first steps. Of new friends and chance discoveries. It’s a year that kept me awake at nights where I either created or cried myself to sleep. It’s a year where I got brutally honest with myself and came to terms with the fact that I’m largely imperfect, impatient, and impulsive.
And like Patti Smith said “I don’t have any regrets in terms of how I’ve conducted my life. I’ve always respected my life and I’m not a self-destructive person.”
There’s so much to look forward to, but I’m apprehensive. Every new year comes with its own set of restrictions, trepidation, and the sort of ephemera that I wish to hold on to, forever. 2018 could be different, mellow, or I don’t what it has in store — but here’s a ‘yes’ to everything new and chaotic and wonderful and maybe even surprising it offers. As much as I want to be in a cushy zone, I’m too unwavering to settle for mediocrity.
So, here’s a ‘yes’ to everything that has the power to move me.
I’ve been published on Thought Catalog, and I’d like to thank P.S. I Love You for its brilliant exposure.
To read the piece, visit https://thoughtcatalog.com/sunaina-patnaik/2017/12/how-do-i-go-back/.
I’ve also started doing some thought pieces for technology and business magazines including SAP’s Digitalist, and the first quarter of 2018 will see more of my published work.
And on that note, I wish you all a great 2018. I hope you do everything that you ought to do and everything you shouldn’t.
My book ‘Warm Delinquencies’ is available on Amazon for worldwide shipping. You can order it here: http://bit.ly/2gnn6j9. To know more about it, you can also visit https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/36353896-warm-delinquencies.