TURNING BLASPHEMY INTO A FUN HOLIDAY HABIT

A Tradition of the Unexpected: Our Family’s Unique Christmas Tree Toppers

From toilet paper to plague doctors, our trees are never boring

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Our Covid-era tree-topper. We almost didn’t want to waste the roll.

I reached into the box and pulled out the traditional tree-topper angel. I stared at its serene face, eyes closed, holding a little incandescent white light bulb that was supposed to emulate a candle.

“BOOOOORIIINNNNNG,” I said as I tossed it back into the box. “Let’s do something different this year.”

My family counts itself as one of the many worldwide families that celebrate Christmas without the burden of actually believing in anything even remotely religious.

It’s not that we don’t hope there is a Heaven, but more like we hope there is a Heaven we can get into without actually having to go to church or do any additional work. I’m not saying I am particularly proud of this, and I know that’s not how Heaven supposedly works, but I’m always looking for a loophole.

Saint Peter [looking over his checklist at Heaven’s Gate]: “I’m sorry, you’re not on the list.”