My Life in 50 Songs #18
How Do I Live?
“Comfortably Numb” Pink Floyd (1979)
Content Warning: contains discussion of suicide.
In the aftermath of that ill-fated ski trip, I experienced the darkest period of my life to date. I now know I was clinically depressed, but at the time I had no way of knowing that. All I knew was that I was unutterably miserable, and it became clearer with each passing day that there was really only one way to stop the pain.
When I first got back home, I still harbored a sliver of hope that Paul would contact me and get our long-distance romance rolling. And, he’d actually given me an opening. While staying at the ski “chalet” in Owl’s Head, the guys had taught us a drinking game called “bottle cap” which is basically beer pong played with bottle caps instead of ping pong balls. We’d engaged in this intellectually-stimulating game on several occasions, utilizing the guys’ impressive collection of Moosehead, Labatts, and Molson beer bottle caps.
Anyway, when I arrived back home and opened my suitcase to unpack, I discovered Paul had filled my bag with about ten pounds of bottle caps. They cascaded onto the floor of my apartment in a beer-scented, aluminum waterfall along with one of Paul’s drawings. “Got you!” it said. My heart soared. He’d pranked me! That meant he…
