How I Lost My Voice and Became Trapped Within Myself
My body was screaming at me, but I didn’t listen
There were no words to say. It’s not like my mind was in turmoil, lost in the trees trying to navigate the right sentences to express. I had no words, and I felt nothing.
No peace, no stress. Just plain apathy. Apathy is a dangerous state to be in.
He tried talking to me, and I replied with one-word answers. I wasn’t being rude or evasive. I just didn’t have anything to say. Speaking suddenly had a heaviness about it. It was easier to remain silent.
We were on holiday.
A trip with our campervan and dogs up in the north of Scotland. Exquisite scenery with breathtaking vistas. Mountains and forests, oceans and beaches. A poetic landscape full of mysticism and wonderment.
We walked through pine forests; I said nothing. We paddled our kayak over the flirting waves of the open ocean, and still no words. We ate at a local cafe in silence.
I fell deeper inside myself like a feather in the wind making its way to the ground. I felt my words trapped in my soul with no means of escape. I wanted out. Specific words wanted out. But I couldn’t muster the strength to express my needs. And all other words were meaningless.
