TRUE CONFESSION
Make the World a Better Place: Punch an Asshole* in the Face
*Spoiler alert: IATA
In Face It — You’re Children Are Obnoxious, Patrick Metzger, my Medium idol and man crush, opines parents and prospective parents should practice apologizing because children are sociopaths without common sense or empathy.
My childhood could have been the case study to prove his hypothesis.
Nevertheless, conscientious parenting, brain development, and karma eventually bestowed those and other fine-toothed social skills upon me. Moreover, shame and remorse since have joined them to impel me to resurrect my long-departed parents’ apology tour for my youthful abominations they never could have completed.
This may or may not be one of those apologies.
If you had known me as an adolescent, you might be surprised I’m still alive, likely even disappointed.
Even during those dewy days, I knew I never would be beautiful, intelligent, or interesting enough to survive in the wild. But I was witty enough to make people laugh, and mischievous enough to make them nervous, which gave me more pleasure and power than was good for me.
Humor was my sword and my shield, and nobody loved a good prank more than I did…
