Making Marmalade — An Englishwoman Abroad
A Small Tale From Spain
The Arithmetic…
Approx two acres of garden containing one hundred-plus orange trees = marmalade!
Investigate marmalade recipes on internet.
Pick one at random….
Read ingredients and quantities: Seville oranges, lemons, sugar, water.
Re-read quantities…
3kg Seville oranges, two lemons, 2.6kg sugar, 4 pints water.
Reject quantities entirely. Am seasoned jam maker of forty years experience. Brambles, strawberries, rhubarb, raspberries, apples, and anything else an English hedgerow will produce. Am very familiar with proportions needed for successful recipes.
Recipe is clearly misprinted. Will use method only and apply common sense to quantities.
Classic jam recipe is equal weight of sugar to fruit and just a splash of water to prevent fruit burning in pan. Only real variation is if fruit is low in pectin (i.e. will not produce a properly setting jam) then either jam sugar (contains added pectin) must be used or add some high pectin fruit such as apples for a good set.
Reading recipe further, learn that citrus fruits are low in pectin and therefore pectin is extracted from the white pith by either soaking or simmering.
Am also aware that my garden oranges are not the Seville variety (particularly bitter fruits used specifically for marmalade) but Valencian oranges. Lovely, sweet and juicy fruits intended for eating or juicing.
Will add extra lemons to compensate.
Quantities used: 1kg oranges 1kg lemons. 2kg sugar. 1pint water.
Wash and wipe fruits. Remove peel and set flesh and pith of fruits to one side.
Set up good movie on TV. Assemble bowl of peel, small sharp knife and cutting board onto coffee table. Settle down to watch Die Hard from settee while cutting fruit peel into chunky shreds.
Cut finger with small, very sharp, knife. Dash to bathroom to wrap toilet tissue around cut before shredded peel completely covered in bloody gore.
Ten-minute interlude to staunch streaming blood flow.
Rinse chunky peel shreds under fresh water to avoid producing genuine blood-orange marmalade.
Resume and complete cutting up of fruit peel.
Return to main fruits and pith: preparation prior to initial simmering process to extract pectin.
Slice into first lemon.
Aaarrgghhh…
Remember too late, effect of lemon juice in finger cut.
Ferociously suck finger.
Five-minute interlude to run finger under tap again and remove lemon juice from cut. Don band aid over cut finger and return to fruit slicing.
Place sliced oranges and lemons in large jam pan…
Rewind….
Jam pan?
Jam pan!
Recall that all jam pans still in England, approx thirteen hundred miles away…
Frantic hunt for large pan suitable for jam-making. Select large stock pot — last used for simmering down chicken carcasses to soup…
Place sliced fruit in large jam pan. Add shredded fruit peel. Add one pint water. Raise to boil. Lower to bare simmer. Add lid to pan. Walk away to allow two hours simmering to extract pectin.
Check pan after thirty minutes. Looks good. Smells delectable.
Heavenly aroma fills house.
Check pan again after another thirty minutes. Add half pint of water to compensate for evaporation.
After two hours, stir in sugar, raising slowly to boil to ensure sugar properly dissolved. Place two saucers in freezer to allow test for set on marmalade. Place clean jars and lids in boiling water.
Raise cooker hob to fast boil on marmalade. Test after fifteen minutes for set.
Re-test for set after further five minutes — nice skin forms over sample marmalade spooned onto chilled plate.
Perfect! Marmalade is ready to go into jars.
Take sample of marmalade. Blow hard and taste.
Wow! Flavour is amazing. Marmalade is a success!
Recall that jam funnels also in England.
Use soup ladle to fill jars. Cover jars with clean tea towels and leave to cool overnight.
Following Morning…
Chase deputation of wasps away from cooled jars and out of kitchen with fly swat.
Shut dogs out of kitchen to prevent ‘capture’ of wasps and subsequent consequences.
Pop bread into toaster…
Two minutes… Toast ready… Butter toast.
Dig knife into jar in anticipation of delectable tangy conserve on toast…
Knife meets resistance…
Knife blade pauses at surface of marmalade. Surface unexpectedly springy…
Force knife into jar of marmalade. Dig hard.
Marmalade now has knife blade in death grip. Knife blade cannot be removed. Tug harder to extract knife.
Consider renaming knife ‘Excalibur’.
Note: toast now stone cold.
Eventually extract knife, but not marmalade, from jar.
Suck sticky knife clean.
Taste is a preview of heaven, but consistency offers alternative career in tyre manufacture…
… or possibly road asphalting.
Consider marmalade conundrum. How to extract marmalade from jar?
Place jar in microwave and heat for one minute. Pour liquid marmalade into bowl. Spoon portion onto toast.
Return to recipe to re-read for next time, paying close attention to quantities.
