My Boyfriend’s Mother Almost Convinced Me to Be a Housewife
I sincerely tried to learn from her wisdom
I’m convinced that the universe gives me everything I need, even when its lessons are hard to learn. Like this one.
It happened three months ago when I met two women while I was in Australia.
You might say, ‘We meet men and women all the time.’ And you are correct, though these women taught me the most about myself and my core values.
On my second day in Melbourne, I met the first woman—Wendy. My boyfriend’s mother. The family invited me to an art exhibition in a typical Melbourne environment.
Beau monde, fancy drinks, tiny canopies, art in the background, and me, suffering from jet lag after 25 hours of flights and desperately trying to smile. The worst time to meet someone’s parents.
The next two hours were filled with small talk about my flight and how Melbourne and Europe were similar. I did not see any similarities with Germany or Italy, but the right answer was England. It was not too bad. At least, I thought so.
A week later, my boyfriend back then decided to start saving money by moving in with his parents. Because his parents were the best in the world.
“How should I behave?”
“Relax, they’re great. But you could help my mother in the kitchen.”
I quickly realised that one person’s best parents are not the same as another person’s best in-laws. I also learned that my life was now dependent on these people: I lived in their house, ate their food and didn’t have funds to support myself.
I had no idea what to cook in Wendy’s perfect kitchen, which she kept cleaning all the time. I once made pancakes for breakfast and helped her make pumpkin soup. But it felt like a silent expectation for more.
I could not figure out how to get Wendy to like me while still being myself.
Three full of cricket and cooking weeks later, I met Annette, the opposite of Wendy. Annette was a scriptwriter and the leader of the writer’s society. My boyfriend wanted me to go to events and meet new people, so I ended up in that society one night. He was probably hoping that I would forget all of my friends and connections from the “old world.”
“You’re new. Why did you decide to join us tonight?” Annette asked me in a strict tone.
“I’ve just arrived to reunite with my boyfriend.”
I saw her frown when I told her I had flown halfway around the world to do it. I now realise how naive I must have sounded to her.
“The worst decision ever.” She spoke sharply. “I had flown here all the way from America for the same reason. Why are you actually here?”
Sharp, tensed, surrounded by geeky male writers, she reminded me of a hawk. I got scared.
I didn’t know why I was there. Because he invited me—wasn't it just enough?
Since that night, I began to ask questions about my opportunities and risks in the country. I lacked a visa, work authorization, a local degree, and legal status. Wendy decided to help me at that point.
“How do you picture yourself living with my son?” She asked me once while we were sitting on her new leather couch and having tea in her perfect living room.
That was one of the times when Wendy invited me to tea, but I felt like she never bothered whether I wanted this tea or not.
“I see it as a partnership in which we share housing, parenting, and other responsibilities.” Back then, I thought people in the country valued your candid opinion.
I was wrong.
“Independent women like you only complicate their families’ lives. I dedicated my life to the well-being of my family. And I’m proud of it.”
I panicked. I had gone so far to “settle down” somewhere where my boyfriend wanted me, only to be judged for being too independent. Or maybe too smart? Ambitious?
Maybe it would be a decent choice? I was all alone and wished I could rely on someone.
The next time Wendy invited me to tea, she went straight into the battle. The battle of showing me the beauty of being a housewife.
“When I got married, my life got better. I did not need a boring job. I ate and dressed well. It was a step up for everyone.”
“I’d like to understand my opportunities here.”
“Just follow the flow. It will work itself out.”
Going with the flow seemed to be the family’s motto.
“Why are you actually here?” Parried Annette in my mind.
During the next month, Wendy kept telling me to follow my “stronger” half wherever he led me. Annette in my head forced me to consider my goals for the country.
Why was I there? What could my life be like there?
Annette had a daughter, worked at a theatre, and belonged to the society where we met. Wendy was always vacuuming and washing, expecting me to do the same. She was excited to tell me about house design shows and soap operas because men in her family would never listen. But I never saw her smiling.
Should I stay in this perfect country and carry out the duties of a perfect housewife?
By the end of my second month, I was all about buying groceries and cooking, while my boyfriend spent all his time going to events and parties.
“You are better at cooking, and I am better at making money. Let’s both do what we are better at.” He told me when I asked him to help me cook once.
What were my options for making money? I could do basic jobs like McDonald's or go to a university and get a local degree. And while his parents were paying for my food, I doubted they would have paid for my education.
“Why are you actually here?” Annette’s strict voice did not feel so strict any more.
She looked strictly at me that night because she wanted me to think better. About my life and future in a place I did not want to be. Mothers can be strict and bossy at times because they are concerned about our future.
Was I turning into a people-pleaser? I didn’t want to spend my life thinking about housing, either. Did I have a choice?
I decided not to choose between McDonald’s and being a housewife. I got back to a place where I could make my living and had people to rely on. But I keep thinking about Annette and Wendy.
Although I tend to act like Annette, I would like to believe that there is a happy medium. The environment in which you can be yourself while also sharing and evolving with others. Hopefully, I will find it some day.
More adventures:
