My Principal Humiliated Me All Because of a Cucumber Sandwich

Or how I became a cynic by the age of seven

Photo by Liana S on Unsplash

At Saint Elizabeth Seton School, all the children ate their lunch in the giant auditorium. Of course, it seems enormous in my mind’s eye because that’s what seven-year-old me remembers.

If I went back there today, it would probably be a 1500-square-foot room with a couple of 2-riser bleachers lining the cement walls.

But back then, it felt enormous. All the students would congregate there between noon and 1 p.m. to eat lunch and mingle.

The school was kindergarten to grade twelve, so, come to think of it, the auditorium must have been pretty significant because I don’t remember us being crammed in there like sardines or anything.

I loved being in a school with the big kids. As I watched them at recess from my lonely perch behind the school’s dumpster, I imagined what my life would be like when I grew to be that old.

My years at this school were not ideal because, as you may have surmised by the name of this education academy, there was a lot of religion going on up in there.

Unfortunately or fortunately — depending on what your take of such things is — I had not been raised with any religion in my life. This caused me…