Scream Your Pain Out: a Bizarre Meditation Journey
They said it would help me let go of trauma
I went to the weirdest meditation ever. In fact, it was not a meditation at all. But the organisers promised me and my friend relief from pain and suffering. Intrigued, we decided to give it a shot.
Three other girls and I were new to the group. Five more people were regulars. We were all standing in a spacious room while a host instructed us before the start.
“You will either hate it or love it.” Said our host, a woman in her fifties wearing very bright makeup.
It appeared to be a so-called Osho dynamic meditation. I had never heard of it before but soon discovered that it involved dancing, screaming, shouting, and as I later read, sexual elements. We didn’t have the latter that day.
I never tell people to begin with just sitting. With a mad dance, you begin to be aware of a silent point within you; with sitting silently, you begin to be aware of madness.
Osho
“You must wear your blindfold the whole time. Pay attention to your feelings, not others”, the host instructed.
‘Maybe screaming and dancing will make me feel better’, I thought. So, along with other practitioners, I put on a blindfold and started to dance.
So, there we were, jumping and dancing for a while before the host stopped us.
“The next stage.” She said, “Now scream as loud as possible. If you’re not in pain, pretend that you are and then let it go.”
I’d never heard people screaming in such pain… These were regulars. People who would come there every weekend to suffer in agony.
I was still wearing the blindfold, but I could hear a distraught woman cursing at the person who had broken her heart. I couldn’t scream. All I wanted to do was hug her and comfort her…
My friend was sitting in a corner, unable to move. The two other newbies had already left. I was still trying to feel how the pain was fading away. Maybe not mine, but someone else’s.
“The next stage.” The host’s voice brought me back to reality. “Now laugh as happily as you can.”
My friend and I were patting a regular — a tall guy with very sad, deep eyes who was now mad with laughter. He was definitely practising every weekend. The cursing woman was patting someone next to me.
Why does she keep coming back if the meditation was supposed to relieve her pain? I thought. But the woman looked devastated.
We did something else that day. I don’t quite remember. It doesn’t matter anyway. I kept thinking about the cursing woman. I still wanted to hug her.
A few years later, I went to a cuddle party in Tbilisi, and it seemed to be a great way to deal with pain, sadness, and loneliness.
I would also try walking meditation in Chiang Mai after that. And yes, if you can’t sit quietly, you can use dynamic forms. But not those I just described.
Sometimes pranayama, or breathing exercises, have a much better effect. Everything seems to have a better effect than the famous Osho meditation.
Oh, well. Sometimes you’re just too curious to resist.
I was thrilled about meditating in an Indian ashram. Little did I know about rural India…
My female Thai massage experience in tourist and local places:
