Shattered Statues, Fractured Furniture, and Beaten Bodies: A Party Parable

A cautionary tale of one epic party fail

Rodney Lacroix
The Memoirist
Published in
12 min readJul 3, 2024


Grandpa reading his granddaughter a story about what a drunken idiot he was in college.
This story is about to get cray cray. Image by Author using Canva.

“Tell me a story, grandpa.”

Susie sat on Grandpa Rodney’s lap as they rocked back and forth on the porch swing in the humid New England summer.

He looked down at her sweet, cherub-like face.

“Sure thing, button,” he said, as he booped her tiny nose. “This one is called a parable.”

Susie looked at him, quizzically, and asked, “What’s a parable?”

“I don’t know,” Grandpa Rodney replied. “What’s a parable with you?

In the distance, crickets chirped.

This joke barely ever worked.

“A parable,” he continued, “Is a story where you learn a lesson.”

“Oh,” Susie said. “What’s the lesson in this one?”

“Well, to start, it’s to stop asking Grandpa questions if you want to hear this damn story because Judge Judy is on and it’s almost my naptime.”

Susie started crying.

“See? The parable has begun. Now you know not to keep asking me questions. Save those for your parents…



Rodney Lacroix
The Memoirist

Rodney Lacroix is the author of numerous books, including “The Vasectomy Diaries” and “Romantic as Hell.” He has four kids and is super tired, you guys.