MUSIC MEMOIR
Sleep on the Floor: The Journey After My Partner and I Left Our Hometown
If we hadn’t left, we might’ve never made it out
Leaving California
The year was 2016 and this was also the year the song came out. It was almost too perfect how well this was timed. This song practically called to me when I was forced to decide to leave my hometown of Sacramento, California. It doesn’t fit exactly given that it’s singing about a man and a woman who is forced to move out of their hometown and move on to greener pastures.
I mean I always “same-sex” fit the song into the same narrative with my partner and I. Illinois is the state of choice in this song. The funny thing is that the same year that this song came out, I was forced to make that same decision and also decided on Illinois at the time. My partner and I had both spent our childhood in relative poverty.
Making the decision to leave Chicago and leaving my mom a “note”
We knew that if we couldn’t take the opportunity to get out of this town, we would never make it out. That opportunity came with the closing of my work and the $10,000 given to us to help relocate us to Chicago. Even though I swiftly made the decision, I still had to consider the aftermath on my family. My mom was depending on me to be the main decision-maker in her life as she was crossing into her 70s and had to start making more difficult decisions.
Before I left, she had made me her power of attorney in case anything needed to be decided on. I’d hoped it would never have to come to that. She told me that before I left that it felt like I was leaving her for good. I felt sad but at the same time, I know I needed to do this. In the song, the couple has to tell the mother in the song that they’re leaving the state and their previous life.
This part of the song resonated with me the most. I was leaving my mother a “note” of sorts by announcing my intention and the why behind it. She desperately and fervently tried to change my mind beforehand but I think she could see I needed it too.
Moving around since but staying together and striving for a better life
My job was moving and I was going to continue to get paid in both Chicago, at first, and then in 2018 when I moved to Erie, Pennsylvania with the same job, just in more of a sales setting. Every time we moved, we felt like it was to get us out of being buried in the debts and the burdens of our previous life. We needed to go somewhere that would alleviate our expenses, afford us better opportunities, and give us a better life.
If my partner and I had to sleep on the floor instead of in our tiny home, that’s what we’ll do until we’ve finally clawed our way out of debt and poverty. We definitely don’t have to resort to working odd jobs just yet. At this point, we’re both disabled and trying to figure out what will pay the bills. I’m getting disability right now and my partner gets a small amount in SSI.
We survive, we’re able to travel now like the kids in the song. Our life since leaving Northern California hasn’t been perfect. It’s been much like this young couple in the song who’s struggling to make it in life, but they’ll continue to figure it out and struggle together, even if it means sleeping on the floor, much like my partner and I at this point after eight years of love and commitment.
Pack yourself a toothbrush dear
Pack yourself a favorite blouse
Take a withdrawal slip
Take all of your savings out
’Cause if we don’t leave this town
We might never make it out
I was not born to drown
Baby come onForget what Father Brennan said
We were not born in sin
Leave a note on your bed
Let your mother know you’re safe
And by the time she wakes
We’ll have driven through the state
We’ll have driven through the night
Baby come onIf the sun don’t shine on me today
And if the subways flood and bridges break
Will you lay yourself down and dig your grave
Or will you rail against your dying dayAnd when we looked outside
Couldn’t even see the sky
How do you pay the rent
Is it your parents
Or is hard work dear
Holding the atmosphere
I don’t wanna live like that, yeahIf the sun don’t shine on me today
If the subways flood and bridges breakJesus Christ can’t save me tonight
Put on your dress, yes wear something nice
Decide on me, yea decide on us
Oh, oh, oh, Illinois, IllinoisPack yourself a toothbrush dear
Pack yourself a favorite blouse
Take a withdrawal slip
Take all of your savings out
’Cause if we don’t leave this town
We might never make it out
We took all of our savings out once I couldn’t work anymore, left our hometown and we finally made it out.
