SATIRE

Why Have a Therapist When You Can Sign Up for Narcissist GPT?

Flattery on demand

The complicated nature of the brain is evident from the latest groundbreaking medical research. Photo from Wikimedia Commons, edited by the author.

Several months ago, I started seeing a new therapist. She seemed great. Attentive, engaged, helpful. I noticed that after every session with her, I felt better. I thought, “Wow, this therapist is really good!”

But after a few weeks, I recognized that she was using two formulaic strategies on me. First, she would constantly point out that I should not look at my issues as problems but as opportunities to learn. Life is all how you look at it, right? Yeah, whatever. Psychobabble.

But the second of her strategies made a big impact. Sometime, during every session, she went out of her way to compliment me. At first, she gave me generic compliments like, “You’re doing great!” But once she knew a few details about me, she upped her flattery game. “You’re very accomplished,” she’d say, or “Your level of communication and expressiveness is extremely high.”

Some of the compliments were blush-worthy, and, to be honest, some weren’t even all that accurate. For instance, when I was describing a misadventure in my dating life, she popped in with, “You have nothing to worry about. You’re extremely kind, attractive, and well-off. You’re a total catch!” Really? Even if true, she didn’t actually know this…